How should I proceed now? Is there hope?

[NotCrackingUp]

Thanks Kara and Dagny-2.

So sorry Dagny that it happened a second time to you. Once is quite enough. I don't know about the OW, she's still in the (small) town, has a flat 2 streets from him and has her 2 girls every second week - so she's got freedom I don't have. She's one of his sports 'pupils' and hasn't left the club. So she's shaking her sorry behind under his nose on a regular basis. I assume they've been together or are getting back there.But she did put him under pressure like I never have done, so he might get fed up with that.

I too think that being alone is showing him I'm not to blame for the funk he's in. Even on a practical level, this is a man who never cooked an egg, never did the shopping, never used the washing machine... He's even realising that the cost of living has rocketed, the man who used to gripe I couldn't balance the books. He's got to grow up. He's less angry lately, but I just don't know when the anger will melt away: lots of it must be at himself.

I've done my best to stop saying I love him and my feelings are still the same, even though it goes agaist the grain. i encourage my kids to talk to him, but they don't really want to.The eldest (D13) will hardly speak to him. They feel betrayed; the sudden change from loving husband to furious ice-man has shocked them.The fine line between breeziness and cold is hard to tread, but I'm getting there. I try not to talk about the future or the past (our R), but I have backslid at times.

I've had my hair changed, try to look good at all times, but feel a wreck inside. Was never confident about my charms, his rejection of me,so sudden, has made me shrink from male company.That I have to address: I have two daughters, I want them to feel pretty and confident, I don't want to transmit this lack of confidence.

My H also fell "in love" with this OW, but also ended it several times (says he), only she stopped eating, he was sorry for her...
He never wondered how I coped with his lies and rejection. Or did he?

I don't contact him except on child related stuff, but I got a new e-mail address today and sent it to him from work. It might be handy on a practical level.I just said "here's my new professional mail. Have a good week". Too much?

I want to take the kids to see my family in Ireland this winter, maybe time alone will help him see things in another light.

what worries me about DB techniques is the "u-turn" aspect. I can see certain annoying traits in myself have to be corrected, certain projects I must pull off alone, but don't want to change my personality. This OW is my polar opposite - petite and a brunette while I'm broadly built and fair-haired, the life and soul of the party while I'm quiet and reserved, a sportswoman very t home with her body, while I've always been a reader and thinker and am not at ease physically. I'm taking more care of my appearance, but my H used to like the natural look. She's forever in and out of the beauty salon. I knowI shouldn't worry too much about that, but I compare myself with her and find myself wanting. I don't want to become like that, it wouldn't fit.

Thanks Dagny for telling me tat you managed to turn things 'round once. That's good news for me and for you. He knows that you found your way back to each other before, so he may find the path back more easily a second time. Sorry about the OW, though. As for me, it makes things more complicated. I tell myslf that my H has always been unstable (professionally, and-before me-sentimentally). He hasn't always known what he wants, and often has wanted the very thing he hasn't had. When he obtains/creates/achievesor even buys something, he's often disappointed. Wants it all and can't decide. Impatient and impulsive and can be envious. Are these the ingredients that go to make up the candidate for MLC? Chronic insatifaction can make you do great things, push you to great heights, but it also makes you fragile. When I'm feeling zen, I tell myself he'll find he's not so sure of liking what he's got once he's with her and they've no obstacles. Then he won't have me anymore and maybe that's when he'll want to reconsider.Maybe.

Anyway, good luck. I'm going to read your other posts and see your story.
NCU