Well, establishing custody for the NOW doesn't have to mean you are done with the R. The marriage and custody are two separate issues.
The time you have with your children isn't about the marriage (or not) - it's about creating the best possible scenario for you and the children. If things change between the two of you that is great! If not, well, you have created framework for your new family (you and the children).
Plus - if she did want to get back together and you decided to take her back lots of stuff would have to happen and it won't happen overnight. In the meantime no reason you can't keep building for you!
The cheapest and best path is to negotiate with WAS. If that fails, move to parenting coordinator, mediator, lawyers, then last resort judges.
The only problem here is that she never wants to talk about it, she just wants her L to tell her what to do so she can absolve herself from any responsibility for the damage caused by the decisions.
I also wonder if I push too hard will that make her reconsider her child placement agreement and force us to go to court to get it settled by the judge. I guess I shouldn't fear that anyway, because I think he is more likely to go 50/50 than anything else anyway.
I guess what I am saying is that all these things maybe don't have to be decided RIGHT NOW, but can be resolved over time and perhaps that time will allow her to rethink her position. I just wonder if I am pushing too hard.
We were at my Mom's house over the weekend and we moticed that my Mom had taken down the wedding picture of me and W. Said she didn't want it hanging in the house anymore.
Agreed. You have to do what is in the court order until you ask your attorney to change it with a temporary order. You do not want to go against the court ruling and piss off the judge. Talk to your attorney asap and get a temp. petition in place.
While I really don't want to stay in the current situation for too long, I guess I am not really clear in my own head that I am completely DONE with this relationship yet.
You will always have a R with this woman based on the fact you have children with her. The R will always be changing. You now have this awareness. It is not intimate right now.
Quote:
Would I take her back if she wanted to come back? I'm not sure, but the alternative doesn't look extremely attractive at this point either. I'm just not sure.........
Let her go....wait till she initiates....work on you...become attractive (to women in general)...everything happens for a reason....understand the reason this is happening....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
The cheapest and best path is to negotiate with WAS. If that fails, move to parenting coordinator, mediator, lawyers, then last resort judges.
The only problem here is that she never wants to talk about it, she just wants her L to tell her what to do so she can absolve herself from any responsibility for the damage caused by the decisions....
In your Sitch right now, you are floating between the lawyers and the mediator....no point in talking to W. It is all about getting agreements in place, in writing. Keep it simple. The lawyers are drafting papers that you and your wife will sign. This will be your agreement. A mediator is cheaper than two lawyers, but better than direct negotiation AT THIS POINT IN TIME FOR YOU. Your agreements will be filed with the courts. Last resort is a judge will make decisions about the things you do not agree on.
As time goes by, hopefully WAS will realize that email agreements is the cheapest and best way to do this.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I took the wknd off the boards too. Most of the others have already said what I would have, except this: somewhere a few posts back, the mediator or someone told you to set it soon, so the kids won't have too many distractions later in school. As a dad, with kids around the same age, I can say that that is what resonated the most with me.
Not sure about your bambinos, but mine are very different from each other. They are both smart as a whip, but one cares about school and one doesn't. If and when this happens to me, I would want to make the changes as close together as posible (like a band-aid). I don't want the one I have to struggle with about School to get any more discouraged than he is and the other one I want to keep on TCB like he does.
Like we talked about before, the W's are ate-up already. Making them mad about something as fundamentally common sense as this isn't going to make much more than a ripple in the surf crashing down on them already.
My $.02
Glad you had a good wknd bro. Sounds like fall's in the air.
Last edited by A_goodman; 09/07/1007:59 PM. Reason: I type like Stevie Wonder
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
Yes it's mind reading but it's also what ALL WAS do! They are not interested in handling the particulars because that is messy and real.
It's very interesting and something I have been fascinated by for some time. If you follow most LBS they are far more involved in the legal process (as in more hands on with research, looking for alternatives, asking questions) than the WAS.
It fits the behavior pattern - the WAS doesn't want messy, they want out and it's VERY ideal to let a third party handle the unpleasant parts. It's one of the very reasons it is not always ideal or easy to "work" with a WAS when it comes time to settle. That means facing this big old pile of crap head on and that is what they ran from the first time around!
I am not suggesting you sue this woman for everything in the world but this is an area where she should be given NO leeway to "lead". She had decided what will happen to the marriage but she certainly isn't the only person in a decision making process where the children are involved.
