I'm back and looking for insight

[DumpedforMIL]

Thanks for listening--it was tough yesterday but by the end of the day I was feeling a lot better.

i've dragged you on to my crazy rollercoaster and i'm probably responsible for any grey hairs that you have now that you didn't have before. this is the LEAST i could do for you.

i'm glad you felt better by the end of the day.

The paranoid feelings come from just the "advesarial nature" of divorce I guess. I have a friend who tells me H is writing everything down

oh i know the feeling. you're trying to protect yourself from being blindsided. i went through the same thing. btw, your friend is right.

He makes all kinds of racket when he is on the computer and wakes me up every night and then I sit and worry what he's doing. I think I may say something to him about it.

you cannot worry too much about him. you have to take care of yourself.
i hear the same things coming out in your posts that sound like me. "i worry about him doing this or that .. or not taking care of himself .. " i didn't say anything about it but when i asked not to be blindsided, i felt that gave him ammo. i revealed my fear and i think he took advantage of that.

It has kept me from GAL too--I am super afraid of the whole custody thing I'm going to have to go through. If I leave and have fun during the evenings and weekends I think he'll use it against me.

i totally get this. it's easier for me to GAL because i have no kids. if you cleared it with your S to GAL, would that protect you from any custody issues? if your S doesn't feel neglected, and as long as your GAL activities aren't self-destructive (ie. getting drunk every night) .. it can't be a problem, can it? is what he's doing on his own time, grounds for being a 'bad parent'?

The only GAL activities I feel comfortable with is fixing up the house, but this is coming to an end, too, since he won't pay for anything more.

we need to start thinking outside the box. fixing up the house has been your go-to activity. it's good that it's coming to an end because now it will force you to think of something else to do.

I used to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity!! That was really fun, and now that S is older I may just look into that one again! Thanks for that reminder!!

it's a great cause. doing something like that shouldn't hurt your custody agreement. maybe get your S involved. some school districts are looking into having a volunteer service component as a requirement before high school students can graduate.

habitat for humanity is a great cause. you get to help others out while doing something you enjoy and are really good at. leave your own signature on every house you build.

You will have so much fun with your new house D4ML! There is nothing like having your own place to do with what you want!

i'm excited. i can't wait.