Well she did come home tonight. We talked and she still doesn't have a definitive answer on staying or leaving.
She said that she is afraid that if she stays, that things will not change or stay changed. She wanted to know what was different this time. I told her that I realize this time that we need help to be able to communicate our needs to each other. I really think that this is root cause of our problems. We both let little thing grow into bigger things and all the while expecting the other person to just know what the problem was.
We talked some more and I told her that I cannot promise anything except that I am willing to do the work that it will take to improve our marriage/relationship.
Do you see how she -- starting with the bold part -- put this all BACK ON YOU???
She goes off for the weekend to have an affair, comes back and asks YOU what YOU'RE willing to do?
Look, I'm not saying you're blameless here, Jammed, but your standard response needs to be "I will not discuss the hypotheticals of our marriage so long as you've invited a third person into it by having an affair. End it, and come back to the marriage, and I think you'll find me ready and willing to discuss all issues, including my own."
She's basically playing the "Convince me why I should come back to you" card. You need to nip that one RIGHT UP FRONT. It's incredibly disrespectful!
