cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[Lucky11too]

I agree with you not wanting to be mean to H in order to not affect the D settlement, but on the otherhand, it still did seem a little too accomadating given the circumstances. Like you said, it's not your problem. No need to call him or discuss it - just letting him know the notice was received so he can deal with it is still being nice. That probably sounds a little harsh and don't get mad, but he needs to learn consequences for his actions. This is one of the things he's been lacking with his inmaturity all along. It't not being resentful or mean, it's just him needing to learn to deal with life.

But on the complete opposite side, soo sweet about S!!! I love and cherish those mommy times too. =) Great news about the dentist. Glad it went well!

[awest1217]

I didn't help H with the insurance. I am just not forcing him to get his own yet. When i got the notice in the mail, I debated even telling him, but I just told him he no longer has insurance and for him to take it from there. I definitely do not help him anymore. I just am not making him get his own stuff yet so that when the D settlement comes and if he owes me money he doesn't say no way because now I have to pay this much more for car insurance and this much more for this and this much more for that. Believe me I agree, he left he has to deal with it, but if I can keep peace to keep from a drawn out D...I WILL.

Funny is that H contacted one of our mutual friends who was trying to stay neutral until his brother in law saw H with OW and so did he about insurance. Let's just say he never got back to H.

[awest1217]

Long, long day today. Put some summer stuff away, made S's cake (a bunch of cupcakes in frosted together to look like one of the mushrooms from Mario ), make sugar cookies for S to take to daycare on Wednesday, cleaned the house, watched some college football, laundry, moved H's boxes of stuff so it doesn't take over my whole office (also where the back door is)...

Tomorrow I have to still sweep the porches, cook the noodle salad, and set-up for the party (which is very casual), but it still must get done. Plus get ready to teach the toddler Sunday School class. S is very excited. For me, I am just in shock that it has almost been 3 years ago that I had S. I can't believe this is the 2nd birthday I am doing alone. It is all just surreal. Time does fly. I can't believe it is already September.

[Lucky11too]

Wow! I'm super impressed with the cupcake mushroom cake! I think that makes it even more special (and yummy!) when it is homemade.

Shoot, I hear you though. Time is flying by. Where did this year go! In some ways it seems like it has gone by so fast and feels like S was just born yesterday, but on the otherhand, it feels like H has been gone forever. Weird!

Well enjoy the party tomorrow and wish S a happy (early) birthday! =)

[awest1217]

Today went well! I have such good friends and S loved all his gifts, especially the drum set from me I know I am crazy, but S has been playing drums since he was 9 months and I am all about music so I will encourage it no matter what form it comes it. Right now he is singing while he drums...SOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!

[newmama]

I love your mushroom cake! Clever clever! I hear you on not wanting to be too mean before divorce is finalized (just in case of backlash) but there are some cases where the numbers speak for themselves and fair is fair.

So happy to hear your S is into music! I also would totally let my S ding and drum away--it is so impressive that yours is showing interest since 9 months? And the beat is the heart of music, don't you think? And if he can learn to dance he will also be able to swoon a lady one day...don't we all secretly want to be swept away onto the dance floor? (not club dancing!)

[Lucky11too]

Glad the party went great! I think it's awesome that you are encouraging his musical genes...drums and all! Definitely keep it up. When a child finds something they love and are good at, that's what matters! =)

[varaski]

I have been watching you from a distance, measuring your deeds and have seen your good times and sorrowed with you in your not so good ones. You worry too much about tomorrow. That makes todays blessing numb and sometimes void. See this life is meant to be lived one day at a time, and i am always here so you can rest assuerd that no matter how things appear they will always be well.

I define well as perfection, meaning it will go excatly as I planned it to be. Not your idea of well. Your idea of well is worry free, and pain free. Thats not my way at all. See i need you to know my feelings for time to time, so you can bond closer to me. So you will know how I think, so you will know whats important. It is people that i treasure, relationship with people. And you will learn to treasure them also. They make up the most important piece in my design. And I need them all, everyone that is counted mines.

You will hold on to them as long as I see fit and when i thing is done, there is nothing you can do to keep them around. It is my way of doing things. I know tomorrow because I scripted it to be a personal thing for each one of you and yes i stay busy. I never sleep on my assignments.

You leard some tough lessons this time around, it took longer than It should have, but sometimes you take your eyes and mind off of my instructions. Obedience is golden in my kingdom. And I reward it accordingly. you have spent too much thought and time on these subjects and I told you I would make all things new. Thats without your help. If you would like to help me, just sit back and watch me work. i will straighten out all of your crooked places and put life back into those dead limbs. Thats what I do, thats my existance.

Relationships will always be a challenge if you have an agenda. A preplanned way of thinking a thing is supposed to go. I do grant many pleasures, but they come only after you have paid the price for them.

You breath out peace and i will place peace within. You forgive and i will bring forgivness to your door. If you bless i will triple it and return it to you. When you pardon i will pardon you also. When you get out of the driverseat of your life, i will take you to a place you have never imagined. I will filter out the negative one just as much as you put your trust in me to do so.

I have already told you what is not profitable for you. Do not walk into that darkness again, you suffer more everytime you go there. It is my rule and i will not change it. i need you sensitive to me to hear all of my directions. To be able to see every possibility I may lay in front of you. I will always give you an exit when things get too rough, yet you must be close enough to hear my voice.

I can see your freedom as i write this. i wrote it a long time ago, I filled it up with impossible things, some fustration and some pain. i know it is perfect for you though. Its excatly what is needed. And it is beautiful. Why don't you believe me. Walk towards it and at each step you will be amazed, everystep you take something will fall off of you. It will be painful to see these things go yet it is necessary to have space for the things that are new.

i have written to give you hope, see you were wanting for another like yourself to bring hope to you and this is not the time for such things to happen. its one on one, just me and you. This discovery will only be learned from the inside not the outside. I just need you to believe that tomorrow will be ok. The sooner the better for your own sakes. i have left this one to your thoughts yours alone. I do have the power to do so. As you believe, it will be. You know your boundaries, you know what is past and you know what is dead. i already know what you will choose, and i can finally smile for you again. But i will not spoil the suprise.

I don't need to you to revisit yesterday just to bring it to me, i know it is there, but you forgive yesterday and it will vanish and every step you take away from it, it will fall away as if i tnever happened.

i will not change people for you. That is between me and them, yet i do have you in mind in their change as well as long as you stay forgiving. in this life you will taste some bitter things, all the while i am watching you just to see how you choose to handle it. Make me proud of you again. Decide to do the clean thing, decide to give yourself a future under my will and not something selfish. i will not allow that.

I love you.

[awest1217]

NM- the mushroom cake was awesome! and I am so proud of it

Yeah I am definitely allowing S to enjoy his musical side. He also likes the piano (which I will be sad for S when H takes that) and the guitar, which he also has. I especially love that he makes up songs about his day. I will hear him with his guitar, on the piano, or on his drums singing about his day. I hope he doesn't ever stop that because he will be my little song writer.

In other news, H text me Sunday to ask about a party for S. I said I was having one with my family and friends (I didn't say when in case he decided to show up), and then asked if it was ok for MIL to throw one. She didn't want to step on my toes. I said it was fine as long as it was during the time H has S. I just don't know when that would occur because there is a game on Saturday so H's parents will go to the ND marchout to see BIL on Friday and not get back to the house until 6 and S comes home at 7. Then Saturday they will go to the game and won't be back until late. I will let S stay later or even go over there for a bit on Sunday for a party, but I haven't been asked so we will see.

Otherwise, S is loving his drums! I am so glad I bought those for him. H said right after he left that if he came home one thing that would change is S wouldn't be allowed to have drum sticks anymore. That bothered me because although S was obsessed with drums for a while, he did do other things as well, H just never saw that. Now S will play all kinds of instruments and of course is back to loving the drums, but this is his first real set and two of his friends have the same drums so he is excited to finally have his own. S plays the drums for a while then plays with his new motorcyle and truck and then back to drums, and so on. It is so cute! He is loving it. S told me yesterday "mommy when I was sleeping I saw those drums" The first dream he has every told me about and it was about his drums. I am glad I coudl make him so happy on this day.

Lastly, it has been weird, but for teh past few days I have been missing wearing a ring. I miss having it there. I am not at all looking to date right now, although everyone asks me, but if a prospect came along I might say yes. I am still just not ready for the next guy. H has been my only guy ever so it is weird for me to think about even holding another guys hand. I am still devoted to H in some ways. Also I have been thinking about this day 3 years ago. It was the best day of my life. H and I were so close. I have so many funny stories about this day. Today three years ago is the day I went into labor with S. I went into labor at 2:30 am today and had S at 4:20 am tomorrow. It was a long fun, hard day, and I only have wonderful memories about it. It was this day that my most precious gift and most important job started. I am so proud of my little guy and tell him that all the time. He has his moments, but since he got over colic for the first 3 months of life, he has been the best kid ever!

[mishka422]

That was a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing!