INTERESTED IN MLC FOR LBS

[ericmsant2]

Bobby

You are doing really well my friend.

I did not ask questions about my wife.

Nor should you. Good move on your part. The hardest thing about this process for me was keeping my mouth shut. Often we want to run and “tell our side of the story”. The less people that know the easier any future reconciliation will be. You see, when and if we every try to reconcile it is not just with the spouse. It is with friends, family, co-workers, children, etc. the more pressure the MLC spouse feels the harder it will be to reconcile.

The are upset with situation and hope Virginia will come around.

Be very careful here….I understand they are upset. My in-laws tried to talk to W several times – it did not nor does it work. By talking to her and trying to “get her to realize” that she is making a mistake what people are in essence telling her is that HER feelings do not matter. Now, if she asks for their advice well then that is a different thing. So be careful with what you tell your in-laws. If you are passing along your side of the story and they in turn talk to your W about it – well then your W may just view this as manipulation. Remember one thing…blood is thicker than water.

I suspect she is hurting too but in a different way.

Yes she is. Don’t kid yourself she is hurt, which is why she is running. You may see her happy and IMO she probably is BUT it is ONLY because every time she looks in the mirror, every time she tries to justify or rationalize her choices, every time she thinks about what this does to the family, every time she realizes that something in her is wrong…well when she looks it hurts –so she runs. She tries to do stuff that make her “feel” happy so that she does not have to face the pain. Keep this in the back of your mind throughout this process.

In many ways we took each other for granted.

Bobby – has your W is off on her journey…you MUST begin yours. Any hope for reconciliation will lie in YOU fixing YOU (not trying to fix her). So, you took yourself for granted….what else did you do? What else did she complain about? Too many hours at the office, not listening to her, did not respect her opinion, may a little selfish in the bed room, what else Bobby? Dig a little here be honest with yourself. Put aside the pain and hurt that you feel and take a long hard look at YOURSELF.

I were to get another chance I would do things different.

You just may get another chance…but first you need to figure out what it is that needs to change in YOU. Do you expect her to want to come back to the same old Bobby?

The problem is not being able to get the chance to prove myself.

Bobby – this type of negative thinking is actually working against you. How do you know you will not get this chance? You don’t – so STOP talking like you will not. It is a defeatist mentality. So…you either pack up accept loss or YOU fight.. You fight by working on YOU Bobby. You fight by keeping your mouth shut. You fight by stinking to YOU core values. You fight by letting her go. You fight by learning to respect that her choices are HERS. Your call!

We should always put our spouse first

I disagree with this ^^^^…putting someone else above YOUR needs, YOUR wants…above YOU is not a healthy relationship. You do matter Bobby. Your needs matter. Your W will need to understand YOUR needs as much as YOU need to understand HERS.

I will always love her.

Yes you will. Now can you love her when she is trying to kick you? Can you love her enough to become the man that YOU want to be? Do you love her enough to have compassion? Do you love her enough to love her even when it “feels” like she may not love you? Do you love her enough to LET HER GO?

Day 5 with no contact from wife.

Are you going to announce day 234? Really dude – you appear to have a timeline in your head. Why? You just said you loved her? Is love not timeless? Stop counting the days you are going to drive yourself mad. And FTR it is not easy to do this. Easy though does not mean impossible.

She told her that I was doing well and moving on

Are you Bobby?

I had done all the house chores including cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, and working my regular job so my wife could study.

I think this is what a good husband is suppose to do. Did you do with an expectation that she will change her mind? Com’on know be honest… did you? This is the type of stuff and MLCer can read right through..

I am sure she will feel the difference this week and the following weeks.

So similar to my point above….you did these things so that SHE can see them. So that SHE would see them and realize that YOU changed. How about you stop trying to change stuff for her to see and start changing stuff because YOU now realize that you should have done these things all along. A small difference in how you look at it but a difference.

You never appreciate what you have till it is lost.

No you don’t Bobby. You know this works both ways though….Become the man you always wanted to be and SHE may just come to the same conclusion and come running back. Cool thing about this…YOU get to decide if you want to take her back.

My concern is if my wife files for divorce what is the likelihood she will stop it down the road. I guess no way to know.

The concern thing is normal. You did answer your question….nothing you can do about it. So why worry about something YOU have no control over. Control…..think about control for a sec Bobby. You want what you want NOW – she wants what she wants NOW. Who controls who? Does she control what you want? NO. Do you control what she wants? NO. So Bobby, maybe you need to realize that you cannot control her. Maybe you need to realize that sometime chit just has to flow. Flow the way life flows.

As for your kids. You need to be the rock for them right now.

Stay strong Bobby – this can be a long process. A process that with it will come change, growth, freedom, opportunity, and LOVE….it will come IF YOU ALLOW IT. IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO CHANGE.

Finally, not sure if you are on the alt…if you are feel free to look me up.

God Bless,
Eric