WAW left on Independence Day and not communicating

[TimeHeals]

So you advise the email and leave the mailbox alone?

You take any pictures while rock climbing?


I don't know all of the dynamics of your relationship, so I can't tell you exactly what to do. In this situation, however, a gift would most likely be too much.

At most, a "Wishing you a happy birthday" type of email. When my wife left, it was a little over a month before her birthday, and based on our dynamic (she went home to be with her family for her birthday, and there was other stuff going on, so we were not headed the right direction at all), I decided that contacting her on her birthday would be intruding. I did respond to her about a week later or so however.

These things are tough. One the one hand, you need to "really" let go and decide to be happy with or without her (and I know you will be better than fine--better than you have ever been--if you put the focus on you and become a happy guy again). That's where contacting her and being letting her come into your life when she wants works against you: it's hard to let go if you are reaching out. It sets YOU back, and in the state you are in, you can develop expectations, go back through the disappointment, and not really move forward.

On the other hand, you don't want to become bitter and forbidding and send the clear message "you are not welcome anywhere near my life".

You're going to have to figure this out on your own and live with your decissions. The tone of your posts, however, makes it seem like you are having real trouble detaching so that you can really heal, and that has to come first so that you can then grow from this experience.

This is your chance to become a better man. It's a gift wrapped up in a lot of trauma and drama, and once you can let go of the fear and the drama, then you will do what you do when you do it without fear because it is the right thing to do.

For example, is it wrong to email your wife "Happy Birthday!"? No, it's not wrong. But if she is runing away, divorcing you, and wants little to do with you, you have to ask yourself why you are doing this? Are you doing it because it the right thing to do? Or are you doing it because you are trying to convince her that what she thinks and feels about you is wrong?

If it's the former, then do it. If it's the latter, then don't do it.

As for the mail, you can pick up a change of address form at the Post Office if you are worried she is going to break federal law and tamper with your mail. Your call.