Perspective

[Doodi]

Wow, leave it to me to start something. So I'm going to give this a go...


I met my W over 20 years ago. Both of us just out of HS, both of us hanging out and living at home. It didn't take me long to figure out that she was the girl for me.

Our relationship had some early challenges. I wasn't sure that she would keep loving me after I moved but she did. She was even the reason I decided to join the military. I didn't really care what I did, there was no rush, but we talked about the next step and she wasn't coming home until I was on my own.

When she came back things were tough. Not really us, but money. In the beginning, a night out meant we actually went to the dollar movie. But it didn't matter we liked hanging out at home watching movies. Give us a TV and video games, and we were set.

Life was good. We didn't have kids until the 5 yr mark. Prior to that our lives were work, hang, ML and the occasional trip. Once the kids came she wanted to stay home. It didn't bother me, it was something we decided on. The money situation got tighter but she was never a spender.

Honestly she never did anything. She didn't shop. She didn't really have friends...well unless you count the one she talked to on the phone daily. She didn't have a hobby. She didn't want to go anywhere. She just wanted to sit around all the time.

Things started to change when we got to VA. She had a few more friends. PTA things that kept her busy and she finally found a hobby. She seemed happy enough. We bought our first house and I really thought things were good. I mean I know we had our fights but who doesn't.

She dropped a nuclear bomb on my world in may. All of a sudden she doesn't love me. But not only that she thinks she never had. Has my whole life been fake. She says that I've emotionally abused her for years. Ok, if I'm honest I did have a very bad temper. We had fights, some pretty good ones, but abuse is harsh. I guess she doesn't remember fighting back. Of course, she only remembers taking it, not dishing it.

I thought I was getting better. After I came from Iraq, I know I was changed. But I was in counseling and I was trying. I didn't yell nearly as much and we hardly ever fought. But she still isn't happy. I only played my computer game because she said she didn't care. She never cares about anything. She always says do what makes me happy and now she's coming back and blaming me for everything.

Our sex life is non-existent. She never initiates and she hardly ever even wants it. Every thing has to be up to me in the bedroom. Recently every time I do finally get to the point where I'm tired of waiting we have a fight because I want it and then I still don't get it.

So my marriage is over. She says its her fault and that she's the one with the problems. She's the one who doesn't want to do anything but sit and read or play on her laptop. She never wants to go out with me. She hardly even wants to watch a movie with me. She never wants to kiss me or even give me a hug. I have to ask for everything. She doesn't talk to me. She's the one looking at our past and filtering out all the good in our marriage. There is no way this woman would have stayed with me for 20 years if she didn't love me. How in the world can she say that now.

I just feel so helpless. What can I do if everything is her problem? She can't even tell me what she wants. The only thing she knows for sure is that she doesn't love me the right way. She loves me like a friend. WTF. I have no idea what I can do to save my marriage. Everything is up to her so I just have to sit and wait.

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Well that's how I THINK he would write his side. I censored some of his fave words but I think you get the picture.

Greek/Coach since I was the topic of some dinner conversation, I would love to hear more about what you think of my issues. Thanks for the homework assignment though, it does help.

Smooches,
Doodi