Well she did come home tonight. We talked and she still doesn't have a definitive answer on staying or leaving.
She said that she is afraid that if she stays, that things will not change or stay changed. She wanted to know what was different this time. I told her that I realize this time that we need help to be able to communicate our needs to each other. I really think that this is root cause of our problems. We both let little thing grow into bigger things and all the while expecting the other person to just know what the problem was.
We talked some more and I told her that I cannot promise anything except that I am willing to do the work that it will take to improve our marriage/relationship.
I also told her that I wanted to give her the time she needs to decide what she wants to do, but that I could not continue to live like this indefinitely. I did not give her a specific time to make the decision, but that the longer it went on, the more I felt that didn't want to stay in a marriage where I am valued so little. I followed Pinheads advice and said that I will not live in an open marriage.
I did fail to keep myself from pointing out how this new relationship that she thinks is so great is founded in lies. She asked me what I meant by that and I said that from the moment it started, she had to hide it from the family and lie about what was going on. One of the things she has told me is this spiritual connection that the two of them have. I said that their connection was formed in pain, anger, turmoil, and the destruction of 4 lives. I then said that how could they have a centered spiritual relationship when it had that as its foundation.
I left it saying that if she wanted to talk some more that she can ask me. I also said that I was done tiptoeing around in my own home.
