Is there a time frame to keep in mind or just stay dark all the way til Divorce day - 9/30?
Unless she were to make a very heartfelt apology for her actions and wanted meet with you to discuss reconciling. Unless she used the words that you could tell she sounded remorseful, then I would say to keep dark. But if her plea is sincere and you know she is truly ashamed of herself and wants to reconcile, then you could respond to her TM or email and tell her you will think this over and get back to her. That puts her in a place where she's wondering what you will do.....and should cause her to realize if she is serious or not. If she's not real about this....if she's not remorseful, etc., then that will come out by you keeping her on hold for a few days. Either way, you will know by keeping her waiting.
Quote:
I guess what I'm asking is, am I trying draw her to come to me/write me/tell me the truth after a few weeks? Or am I sending the message I'm going out of this marriage with my self respect? Or both?
If you go cold dark on her, as I described in my former post....I think she'll know she split her britches and you are finished with her. After several attempts at contacting you with no success, she will begin to see that she has finally screwed her M for good. She has two options. She can go through with the D and maybe keep lover boy, mabe not. Or, she could get her eyes open and decide D is not what she wants after all. But as for her telling you the truth......IDK. That may come much later. But if there is an attempt at a reconciliation, she must tell the turth in order to have a successful rec.
I think she will be watching you and you certainly will be sending a loud wordless message to her. But first, she has to be proven that she can't make you cave in to her.
Now, if you should happen to find yourself in her presence, you could have a little "letting you go" speech tucked in your back pockett. Just tell her you've had time to process things and you've decided that you will not fight her in order to save the M, but instead, you will give her the D she wants. You feel that it would not be fair to either one of you to live out this short life with anyone they don't love. You've decided that there is a lot of world out there and single life doesn't look so bad.
You show no sign of anger, disappointment, bitterness, or pitifulness. You stand tall and be proud. Show your strength by what you say and how you say it.
If you make the decisions that I have suggested, you will need to ask the board for almost everything to do right before you know something is going down. Main thing is to show no fear. Get control over any fear. What's the worst that could happen? Think about that and work yourself down until you are calm. Never be scared of her anger. Don't react to her anger, and certainly never reward her for bad behavior.
Awesome. Thank you Sandi. I will post here if anything happens and I'm just going to force myself to move forward. Going to pray and burn off my anger/frustration at the gym.
