Perspective

[john28]

I'll give it a shot too.

My H never paid attention to me. He left me home alone all the time while he went out with his friends or played golf. I stayed at home with our son since the day he was born as my fulltime job. Even when he was here, he wasn't "here". He didn't spend enough time with our son either.

I never really told him that I felt so lonely, and in fact I encouraged him to go and play golf with his friends a couple times a week because I know that makes him happy. He works really hard and also want him to be happy outside of work. I didn't want to try and control him by telling him he couldn't go do things outside the home, so I encouraged him to do them. But it just made me sad that he was gone so much.

My H is really selfish. He always thinks about himself first, and leaves me and my son to fend for ourselves. He spends our money recklessly, not so much lately, but in the past years he did spend everything we made. He doesn't even take care of the nice things that he buys. I have very few nice things like him.

I was very lonely in our M and he never would listen to me. I would tell him sometimes how I felt but not very often. We fought every six months about the same things. When a guy I met at community college started telling me I was pretty, that I was very attractive, that I was interesting and that if I wasn't married he would be with me in a heartbeat - it felt really good. It felt like someone valued me. So, I had an EA with him. And as I felt that feeling from him, I also went out to seek other men on the internet to make me feel the same as he did. When I was doing all this I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I was so angry and resentful at my H that at the time I didn't care. I didn't care how he felt, it made me feel good.

I know that I should value myself, and I'm working on that really hard right now. I'm not talking to any OM, and I know that I shouldn't have sought value from OM to begin with, but I was really sad, lonely and angry.

I'm so tired of my H not being there for me and listening to me. He is a good father, and I still love him, but I'm not sure he will change. I see that he is trying, but I'm not sure that these things will stick. I'm really scared to go back home to him because I'll just get sucked into this M again somehow and before I know it, 5 more years will have gone by and I'm back here again. I will not let that happen again.

I know taking my son away from his father for a lot of time might hurt both John and our son, but I think that we can work together and co-parent and be good friends if we D. Our son won't suffer from this because we will be able to both be good parents and he won't see us fighting together ever again.

- Mrs. John