Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

DS is home, H was very friendly, talking about what DS did there and what he ate for dinner. I feel his time with DS is his time so no need to tell me about it. It feels almost like he's trying to rub it in that has Whore making him meals and stuff and has a whole new life with her that excludes me.

It felt awkward in a way. I wanted H to just drop off DS and go and he seemed interested in visiting for a bit. Towards the end of his visit DS was pushing him to go to make sure H didn't upset me. I was doing a good job of keeping my emotions in check, was able to hide how sad I am and told DS I was ok. But H did leave, finally.

[Vulcanized]

H is keeping DS until tomorrow morning instead of taking him on Tuesday. He is also going to bring DS home to me instead of making me drive out to the exchange spot again. He suggested that when I do move at the end of the school year I look for a community out by his because "DS has friends here, and it's good for him. It would be good if you were in a place where there were other kids for him to play with outside, or for him to even be able to go outside. I know you'd never live in my community but there are other good ones like it here." Um, no. Right now I'm thinking about staying right where I am for another few years.

Wow, that's amazing. My initial reaction was 'are you high?'.

M, you stay or go as you see fit. The selfishness of your H is astounding. He created this mess, he has to deal w/the consequence of it. If H needs to live closer to DS, then perhaps he should go through the trouble and expense of moving.

Argh. I'm sorry.

[Mystik]

Thanks Vulcanized. I was stunned as well that he even thought it was ok to suggest I move out to where he lives. I agree, if he wants closer to DS then let him be the one to move.

[Mystik]

Blah, pity party table for one please. In yet another funk, just really missing H still and feeling so darn hopeless about the future.

[Vulcanized]

I know how you feel, M. Are you on the alt?

[Mystik]

I am on the alt. I don't have a DB profile there, I haven't even liked MWD or DBing on there. Suppose I should since I'm always on this site, though.

[CityGirl]

Mystik - please go back and read your posts when you decided to have no contact with your H for a few days. I think you will see that you sounded MUCH stronger, more rooted in reality and better able to assess things.

Your patterns are clear - when you have any contact with your H you regress way, way back. I understand you have a son and *some* contact is necessary but you do invited a good bit of this pain in to your life daily.

Your H's time with your son ended today when your H dropped him off yet you CHOSE to ALLOW your H to linger around and visit. So what if *he* wanted to? Now he is home, comfortable and content in his home with OW and you are sad and back at square one.

IMO you are way too accommodating to him about the constant (and they are constant) schedule changes which forces you to have more interaction with your H. You base your actions on what you think your H wants. You said above "it seemed like my H wanted to visit a bit more". Um, SO WHAT? It's time for Mystik to stop considering every whim of a cheating spouse and get some order.

Your H knows how to play you like a fiddle and IMO you are scared to make him angry or upset. If him requesting you move closer to HIM, his mistress and their soon to be newborn didn't propel you forward, well, what will?

Thus far he has asked you to accommodate him legally, he has essentially demanded you accommodate him when he decides he is missing his son and now suggesting you MOVE YOUR HOME to accommodate *his* new life. Enough.

There is no way to get around this pain short of lots of hard work BUT there is a way to block the other person from having free reign of applying constant pain.

Please go back and read your posts when you are dark - it is the only time you really sound like you have any control. Stop letting this man hurt you further!

[Vulcanized]

Mystik, find me on the alt. search deebee followed by my user name here.

Please listen to CG, she is spot on.

[Mystik]

So glad my hormones are back in order for the month. 27 days of sanity then the insanity strikes again.

CG, you are right. I do still fear making H angry. Is it rational? No, and I know that. But it's still so ingrained in me that I am not sure how to stop it. Seeing/talking to H is a trigger for me to fall back to the beginning. I need to work to the point where it is not. One step at a time, one day at a time.

[Mystik]

So tomorrow is DS's first day of first grade. H is planning to have me pick up DS then he will get him here, take DS out somewhere for awhile then bring DS home. Not sure if I'm going to do that or not. I do have a return I should make at the mall where we meet which is near work, might tell H to just get DS and do whatever, I'll meet him at the mall at 7:30. But absolutely H will not be welcome to visit with DS at my place tomorrow.