I think H's message is "whatever you say, just leave me alone and let me screw up my life" So, do it. Leave him be, you've said your piece (I think we all do at some point) and now you need to let it go. Somehow in our brains we seem to think that if we just find the right words a light will go on in the spouses head and they'll say "Holy sh!t, what have I been thinking!" and realize the error of their ways...uh uh, never happens. I remember writing my wife a letter at one point, sure she cried but it didn't change a damn thing but I felt that at least I'd said what I needed to say, so have you. Btw, sounds like you handled the wedding situation incredibly well. You are absolutely right not to bad mouth your spouse to others, it's the right thing to do. What happened is nobody's business except those you are closest to. Good job.
