how can i save my marriage?

[sandi2]

I think one of the hardest things for the LBH is to realize this is not the girl he M. She is not his W or the mother of his children. She is totally opposite from the way she used to be and especially her moral character.

You cannot talk to her or treat her as if she has any logic b/c that has disappeared. In many ways, she must be dealt with in the same manner that a rebellious teenager would.

how can an EA/PA substitute for a marriage of 15 y w/ 5 children?

Have you read how the brain of the WAW actually changes? There is a chemical that imatates the "in love" feelings, and that chemical is so addictive that she will do almost anything to have it. Yes, it can cause a wife, and even a grandmother, who has been M for many years to act as if she's lost her mind. She will put this "feel good" chemical above everything. That is why I believe in "tough love" and making her experience "loss" in her life if she choses OM/EA over her M/family.

could this thing been going on for that long? can EA's go on that long?

I have read that some EA's have lasted for years.

when i have asked her about the possible EA w/ me even dropping this guys name she stonewalls and absolutely denies it, STRONGLY) or the puppy/allen approach. as much as i want to take the long term gentle approach her recent hints on wanting a D possibly although she started MC just yest "bc i have been waiting many years and this is it." saw a lawyer which i now believe. holy S!

Stop asking her if she's in an A or if there's OM. Of course she denies it! As long as you act as if you do not know anything, then she gets the best of both worlds. That's big cake eating.

Explain something to me, okay? Why do you want to take the long, gentle approach?

I have seen advice to not worry about any OM,

He is a preditor and could ruin your M and destroy your family. How do you feel about that?

You need to decide which plan you will take and stick with it, instead of reading so many different approaches and thus getting more confused.

I love MWD's advice for hurting M's, but she doesn't give much detail about infidelity. I believe it has to be hit head on instead of the pussy-foot approach. But you have to know if you have the guts for the head-on tough approach. You must know exactly what to do and how to do it or it will be a disaster. That's why I said not to do anything until you had all the facts from Puppy, Allen, Gucci, or whoever you are following.

cannot believe that these people think they are going to be able to make a life together w/ 5 kids of ours and 4 kids of OM and OMW!! can it be so? does this sort of BS happen? successfully?

You are using a logical approach but these people are not logical! They are living a fantasy. In the mind of your W, everything will just be wonderful. People do M everyday that have these many children, but is it success? Of course not! They have destroyed many lives in order to fulfill their selfish fantasy! That doesn't stop them from doing it. Stop using logic in trying to figure out her thoughts.

As for the MC, I don't see how any C will help the M as long as there is a third party involved. Have you read Allen's steps in how to bust an affair?