I didn't sleep good. My head is just spinning with thoughts of where to begin. I mean before Saturday I had a simple plan, now it's like a mudslide of other things that I just have to wrap my head around. The strongest feeling - one that seems to constantly stay in my thoughts - is the need to get out of this situation as fast as possible.
As much as she lied about everything I'm still trying to forgive her, but then I get so angry. I can't get the image of Saturday out of my head and it's difficult to control the thoughts.
I'm still relieved that I found out, but now I don't feel as free and it opened up a lot of other issues. I want to save my M, but why should I be with anyone who treats me like crap? I don't deserve to be lied to, cheated on, or thrown out like a used toy. I mean how would I ever be able to trust her again? There is just no way! Just a new wave of emotion that I had 2 months ago starting all over again.
OH, the lack of self esteem and confidence since Saturday is just flat degrading too. It really hurts and reminds me of how important it is to get my confidence back. I'm not where I need to be.
"Chasing happiness instead of doing some introspection and soul searching"
Pin, that pretty much sums her up. Nicely put. I don't think my W is altogether "upstairs" at all, her common sense went out the window a few years ago. Now she's caught in a "High" that I don't know if she will ever seek help. I care about her and STILL love her, but how can you help or love someone, if they don't help or love themselves? She had issues before we we're even married, but we all do, but she NEVER would have done anything like this to anyone before. I personally think she's going through some hormonal changes and it's changed her for the worse. That's my opinion, but maybe it's repressed anger too, like "get even" kind. Not a damn thing I can do about it.
Detaching, when you're a recovering Nice Guy is really hard. NC is easy, but really detaching is hard. I'll just continue to pray and work on me, eventually this will all pass.
