Yes I stopped doing the things that she needed and that were the right thing to do because of her reaction to them - anger. She does not communicate very well and I got frustrated that she still wasn't happy and wouldn't communicate with me and so I shut down. It was wrong and I should have had the courage of my convictions as you said.
I sent the letter to her leaving everything out on the table because it was the right thing to do. Communication between us in heated emotion tends to be unproductive in the recent past and this was a way of addressing that issue and our M. It was also taking the lead right now and ironically, that is part of the reason she blew up and asked for no communication. She likes to have control but also wants me to take more of a lead and in that is an inherent conflict, a power struggle.
And so I am at a crossroads where she wants / needs no communication. Yes she also said she wanted me to take more of a lead. So I need to take the lead and responsibility and can not do so in the relationship when my W is unwilling to engage. I am having a hard time accepting that she may never will but I will have to.
If she has asked that I not contact her until she reaches out to me, how long do I continue to respect that without communication from her before I take the lead?
At this point I've said many of the things you mentioned PuppyDogTails - that I can not do this alone, that I will not be with someone that doesn't want to work on our relationship and who avoids dealing with the "worse" part of a marriage and only wants the "better" part. I was probably not as forceful as you put it so maybe it's being more firm when there is a next time.
My instinct says to pull away, focus on myself s hard as that is, and wait (as hard as that is as well because I have no control anymore.)
