Yes I see that it is forcing her to make that decision and so is not leading. I do not want a divorce at this time and so will not ask for one. What would you suggest?
This is my balance issue. I have done the pursuing things. Got her to go to a counselor twice before she stopped. I've actively tried to ease her domestic pressures even though I'm not living there currently. When I've done so and when I've tried to take charge, she gets angry that it didn't happen earlier. I am trying to persevere but do not want to be pursuing and shutting her down more. What am I missing?
You did these things, I assume, because you felt they were The Right Thing To Do, correct? And you STOPPED doing them (or questioned the courage of your own convictions), merely because of her reaction to them: she got angry.
Here's one of the MAIN secrets to successful DBing, bk:
Stop operating from a basis of "How will she react if I do (or say) thus-and-such? Will she be angry? How will her anger make ME feel?" (if you're at all like me, you're probably a natural "Pleaser" and "conflict-avoider").
Instead, ask yourself "What is The Right Thing to Do in this situation? What is the thing that God Himself would have me do, if He were standing right here in front of me?" -- regardless of her reaction to it.
When you learn to do this -- and face any of her bluster, and see that you're STILL STANDING . . . you will have passed the first, HUGE hurdle, and it is incredibly liberating, bk.
