Welcome. I'm new here too. But in the couple days I've been reading this, it has helped a lot. Everything you say is understandable. Manly men are supposed to just "kick her to the curb" if she cheats. I sometimes wish I could.
Two things I've learned so far. Everything takes time. Everything. This is to your advantage. If she wants out today, she may not tomorrow. If she says she wants out, the one thing that is certain is that you cannot change her mind today. It is impossible. She can, but you can't so just accept that.
Be armed. Know what YOUR requirements are for her to STAY! It is not a given that you have to accept her back. I know you want to, but it is your CHOICE. If you feel she should have no contact with the OM (good idea, if he is suicidal he can't be good for her) tell her so, and make her call him with you there.
Most likely she will say "I just don't know, I'm so confused ILYBINILWY!". You gave her the time she needed, now it is your turn. Ask her to leave, and come back in two days with an answer. Tell here, "I love you totally, but not unconditionally. I am a forgiving man and I know we can work through this. I will wait as long as I can, but I am not infinitely patient".
Use this board for strength. I have a confrontation with my W in a few days. I'm actually looking forward to reporting what transpires here. If it works for you, use it.
Good luck.
PS - There is a high probability that I amm full of $#!t. Use your best judgement.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
