Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[Lotus]

Enjoy! Sounds like maybe she missed you a little bit today. Missing you is good. You want her to keep wanting more.

[john28]

Had a great night tonight. That's the first in a long time. W came over and we headed straight to the movies with S4. It was a little quiet in the car, and I could feel the tenseness and awkwardness at first, so I know she had to be feeling it. By the time we go to the movies it was all good.

Watched "Despicably Me". GREAT movie! At one point, the story is about some orphaned girls, and there was a cushy family moment in there. My W grabbed my son's hand. I put my hand over both of theirs. She didn't resist. Left it there for about 20 seconds, then moved. It was a touching moment that we used to share all the time with each other.

We talked on the car ride back about the aquarium tomorrow. Somehow I started talking about my volunteer work at the soup kitchen and food bank. She seemed interested. Told her a story of a woman with 6 kids that went through the line 3 times and was only supposed to once, but we turned our heads. She seemed sympathetic and interested, engaging the conversation. At the end, I told her that she was welcome to come and help anytime she wanted to, it is every tuesday night. Just let me know if she'd like to come. She said she might.

Got here, changed cars, good hug, kiss on lips, ILY, and wished her well and good night.

She left happy. I think that's probably the first time in weeks she has left me happy. Good night!

[Lotus]

Glad things went so well. You are doing very well at seeing her but not getting involved in R talks and keeping it light. Only 5 more days to go!

[Doodi]

John,

That does sound like an awesome family outing. Hopefully, it is a sign of things to come. Like Lotus said, only a few more days to go.

I can't help but wish I could do the small little things like say ILY or kiss on the lips. I'm not there yet, but that's my drama.

Just stay YOUR course. Don't let the sweet moments from your family time derail you. Just like we, the WAW's, need to see consistent change in the LBS...you guys need to see the same from us. It is easy to fall into habits or even enjoy good feelings for a day. I'm not saying it isn't genuine just that you still need to CYA.

Smooches, Doodi

[TimeHeals]

I was focused on the "word choice". He could stay, he could leave, but if he stayed he most certainly should not pretend the marriage is going fine.

Example other word choice: "Look, I am going to leave because I don't want to stay here and pretend everything is fine, and I am not interested in discussing this with your extended family".

But he could have stayed too. If he had done it and had fun with it and their questions, then that might be attractive

Example:

Uncle: So what's going on with your marriage?
John: What's going on with your marriage? Inquiring minds want to know

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I can't help but wish I could do the small little things like say ILY or kiss on the lips. I'm not there yet, but that's my drama.

Hi Doodi,

Help me understand what you wrote above. Aren't these things more or less DECISIONS? What do you mean when you say you can't say ILY, or kiss him on the lips?

Trying to better understand the FWAS mindset.

thanks,

Puppy

[john28]

Headed out to the aquarium day trip, here's to hoping for another good day. It's a 4 hour car ride round trip, I'm going to try and avoid R talk and just focus on being happy today

Wish me luck!

[pinhead]

I can't help but wish I could do the small little things like say ILY or kiss on the lips. I'm not there yet, but that's my drama.

Hi Doodi,

Help me understand what you wrote above. Aren't these things more or less DECISIONS? What do you mean when you say you can't say ILY, or kiss him on the lips?

Trying to better understand the FWAS mindset.

thanks,

Puppy

Agreed. Reading the Seven Levels of Intimacy, the author stresses that love is a choice, a verb. Thoughts -> Actions -> emotions.

[Coach]

Thoughts -> Actions -> emotions.

gee, what is Doodi thinking? is her H safe? meeting her needs? is this a mature & healthy relationship?

what do her actions tell us?

how does she feel about her H? is she attracted to him?

she is making a decision based on her thoughts. she is deciding to love herself because he is incapable of loving her.

[john28]

Successful Day #2 - a FULL day with W and S4.

Drove 2.5 hours to the coast, went to aquarium, got some lunch, then decided to go to the beach at the last minute while there. Spent a few hours out there, I paid 95% my attention to S4, W seemed really happy, was joking with me, etc.

Good conversation both ways to and from. Jokes, laughs, talks of old times. While at the aquarium we held hands a little bit here and there, I didn't feel her have the "limp hand", which felt good.

On the way back though, something pretty out of the ordinary happened. W was sleeping, and when she woke up, she looked at me and put her arm around me while I was driving. I have to tell you, that's the first time in a long time I've felt her touch when she intended to really give it out of love. It felt incredible. I was so happy. She left it there for a good 5 minutes. Then started asking questions like "What's your favorite color?" and "What's your favorite food?". Very odd, considering we've been together for 6 years, she knows these things. I engaged her in the conversation though, asking her like questions in return. It felt very odd like I was going on a first date with my W or something, or we were starting all over getting to know each other.

Got here to my place, transferred S4 to her car, and she was already in the drivers seat while I got S4 buckled in. I said goodnight, and she opened her door and motioned for me to come over. She went in for a kiss, but it was going to be one of those side mouth/cheek kisses, which I detest. I backed away and said, "If I'm going to kiss you, I'm going to really kiss you." Went back in and planted one on the lips. Smiled and wished her goodnite, we both said ILY.