Divorce may only be a piece of paper. I am finding it very hard to think of it in such simple terms.
In our case we have a great deal of assets to sort out and it will be a very painful experience, it is going to create raw hateful and hurtful emotions in each of us and it will most likely become the final nail in this tumultuous saga.
When my H confronted me the other day, saying he wanted to go through with the divorce and once again have me sign receipt of the complaint, he actually said that he believes and hopes that our relationship will be better and that a divorce between us will create a better relationship than the one we have now.
I can't see it. I am currently so filled with hurt and devastation that I do not want to see or hear him. I am disgusted and the emotions in me are so broken and torn at the same time. The fine line between love and hate is at play here.
You see, my H is still seeing the same OW he left me for. Yes, he has broken it off hundreds of times and always finds himself back here. The facts are he has once again initiated a divorce because he is WITH her. I am sitting here pondering all of the advice and comments on the board that I read and have to wonder if I have wasted the past 5 years standing for something that was never meant to be in the first place.
My H filed for a divorce the first time and then went 14 days and was again contacting me. That year for Christmas (approx 3 months after filing) he bought me a gorgeous Victoria's Secret nightie for a gift. My H has never gone more than 3 weeks without making contact with me during this entire 5 years.
My H has constantly come and gone from my life over the past 5 years. I have been uplifted and treated like he was coming home almost monthly and then he will dash away after a 2-4 month period of constant contact. I don't know how my soul has endured. I need to purge myself of his indecision. H needs to be alone without me in his world at all at this point in time.
My H and I were high school sweethearts. We have been together for so long we can actually read each others minds and speak the same sentence at the same time. We started a company together at the age of 19 (1983). We ran the business together until '08 when he ousted me out of my daily job(I still retain 50% ownership and my Treasurer position)at the urging of the OW and her insecurities. He has chosen her over me so many times now I have lost count.
She is vengeful, confrontational, insecure, immature, controlling, an all around evil inhuman person. (I am not just saying this, it's all true) He has lost all of his friends because of her. They now only have her friends.
She even stalked me once and confronted me at MY home to stay away from her boyfriend. OMG!! I ended up calling H and he came right over. I ended up being punched, kicked on and knocked down a set of granite stairs at MY home. I ended up with a broken finger and many bruises. H witnessed all of this and has still chosen her.
A divorce being a piece of paper? I don't respect his choice and therefore it will be more than that. I don't trust him anymore. I think the freedom from me he is seeking will be his demise. He will get that and all that it stands for. He will be faced with his choice 24/7 and I just hope it is all that he wants and more.... My real thought is that OW is fighting for control of the money he has, not him. OW will get him and then burn him....
Sure I would love to have a relationship with him after this. Unfortunately for me the relationship I want is more than friendship. I cannot settle for less.....
My H needs to learn the lessons/consequences of his choice the hard way....
I yearn for the day I hear he has regret and is filled with grief over his choice.....
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
