Achieving a balance and when do you walk away?

[NotFromThesePart]

Bklynt,
I feel like we are sole mates here. Same story, about the same timeline. I’m sure we could commiserate over a few beers.
First, it is not about the timeline. Or giving up. Or fault. Her “how could you be so insensitive” line speaks volumes. I don’t know what you wrote. I’m sure I’ve started the same letter a dozen times. It probably has lots of “Yes, I see that I haven’t been a good husband. . . . .I want to change . . . . I don’t like myself when I am that way . . . . I know we can be better. . . .“ This is all true. I feel exactly the same way. I feel like an idiot when I realize I didn’t buy my wife an X-mas gift after we agreed “no gifts this year”. I’ve got tons of those stories. But what is done is done and can’t be changed.
You will get a lot of help here. Mostly for me, it helps to keep busy, ready stories, see my situation isn’t unique. At All. I expect that some of the techniques here will help, others won’t and most will just be irrelevant. The key thing is to learn.
So, you’ve taken the first step. You admit you have a problem. Now what? For me it is to come to the realization that things now are different. There is no hiding it or denying it. Maybe you will reconcile. Maybe there will be a D. Who knows. It is not in your power to decide. Influence yes, prevent no. I think of it like a war. At the beginning we think “shock and awe” big air strikes will show her how much I love her and that I can and want to change. But it doesn’t work that way. This is a ground campaign. So settle in for the long haul.
Taking the analogy (perhaps a little bit too far) further. Establish bases. Find things to occupy yourself, get stable. Think about the things you did before the marriage. Do them, unless this includes chasing everyone in a skirt. Build yourself up. The gym, church, night classes etc. Anything to make you more stable and not focus on her. Once you have built your bases, the ground war begins. You can’t win this until the locals (her and common friends) are on your side. Get them there by being strong, fun and attractive. Be the guy you were when you met, not to spite her, but because you like that guy.

From there, who knows? Good luck!