I'm 35. Wife is 34. Been married barely a year. Together for 4. Known each other for 10. Living apart from my wife right now. I read the post on WAW and that is my wife right now. I haven't seen her in a month. We've had mundane maintenance type texts and emails but no conversations. I sent her a 14 page letter apologizing and accepting responsibility for not being there for her in our M like I should have been, for acting selfishly and immaturely, and for not being present. I expressed my love for her, my regret, my belief that we can fix things and be better together, but then ultimately said that if she was truly done and didn't want to work on us, then she needed to tell me and ask me for a divorce otherwise I'd keep trying and loving her and doing whatever it takes to make us work. I sent this prior to our first conversation in a month so I could listen to her better and so she knew where I was. She canceled our meeting and I never knew what she wanted to speak about. She exploded that the timing of my letter was the ultimate in selfishness and asked me not to contact her until she reached out to me. I do not regret sending the letter as I laid everything on the table and fully owned up to my shortcomings and lack of effort in our marriage. I also showed how our breakdown happened and our mutual responsibility for it happening and snowballing (though I admitted my part was greater.) What now? I reached out after a week to apologize again. I feel like the writing is on the wall that she wants a divorce but won't ask me for it. I love her and do not want a divorce and fully believe that these moments can create the solid foundation to a marriage. But she does not believe I can change whereas now I understand how to. She thinks she made a mistake get married and that she lost herself in us. She thinks it's now too little too late. We've been separated for two months. How long do I give her? How do I demonstrate my commitment, my willingness to try, my presence and engagement, and my love without crowding and pressuring her? Or do I try and pick up my pieces and move on with life without her and slowly give up the hope that she'll realize the good and love in us?
