IB, there is nothing f'd up about feeling the way you did from your childhood. Believe me, I carried a lot of sh#t from it. It manifested itself differenly in me, but it was still stuff, nonetheless.
These are all things that take time to work through. And you will if you open your mind and heart to it. Remember that your parents, though neglectful, etc. did the best they could with the tools they had.
But you know that you are worthy, right? You matter. You matter in the lives of your children, your family, your friends. You matter in the world.
Dont measure your self worth by the actions of your h or anyone else for that matter.
Measure it by the love you have in your heart, your compassion and honesty and loyalty.
And I look at the thing at Lowes differently than you did. I looked at it as = you did what you needed to do on your own. Good for you.
You are going to continue to get sad at times. I wish I can tell you you arent. But, if you fill your days with at least one thing for you, one thing you love, you will begin to live your life and the sad days will be further and further apart.
But it aint gonna happen until you get to the place you need to be. And you arent going to get there until you change your mindset.
Make new memories. Celebrate you. Celebrate the opportunity to forge stronger bonds with your children, family and friends. Get closer to God if you are so inclined.
Remember that you are important to the people who love you.
So, I keep hearing about things you are doing for everyone else. I want you to do one thing entirely for you. Just you.
