Sorry to hear about the encounter. I'm sure you have already seen that you're reactions so far have been "understandable" but, in the end, fruitless and did more damage to YOU than anyone else.
I'm not going to tell you it didn't hurt when I found out about the OM or the lies.
Howvere, I am going to tell you that it hurt a lot less and my head was a lot clearer (for things like your lawyer appointment Tuesday) when I focused on MY reactions and my actions GOING FORWARD rather than HER actions.
Again, she is doing what she is going to do. We don't have to agree with it but we have to accept that we can't control anyone else.
However, it now also illustrates that we have to be VERY aware of how WE let others control/influence us. And insure that we are acting on our own in response to what WE want or need as opposed IN REACTION TO someone else.
I wish I had more time this mornng but I'll check back later.
I think I'll be visting a doctor today aboy my D2's cough. It was a LLOONNGG night.
Hang in there, Faith. Calm down. Try to be VERY STILL and be DARK.
Think about how you reacted and how you allowed anger AT HER to reflect poorly on you. Be untimately concerned WITH YOU.
W're talking about your health; your safety; your future.
Be very careful! The less you do at this stage, the better. Until the anger disspates and you are thinking of ACTING for you, (again, as opposed to REACTING), the better off you will be.
I hurt bad. I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
I'm just trying to get my feelings under control right now. I'm so angry at the lies, it makes me sick to my stomach. Just wasted energy though and I'm hoping it comes under control faster than when my original sitch began. I'm thinking it should since it's true closure now. No more need to mind read because I have the truth now.
I do still wonder why she felt the need to lie and deceive. Our relationship although not perfect was never built on lies. Just all of a sudden she turned into this other person. Regardless of the things I did wrong, my morals would not allow me to deny her the truth.
I'm sick of being angry, sad, and pain that makes me cry.
They lie to protect themselves and to hide from you.
And YOUR values and morals are what make you YOU and her HER.
Gonna be easier to "call this one in the air", eh?
the anger will surface again and again but smaller each time and farther apart.
Prepare for it. Focus on you, buddy.
I'm sorry Faith, it sucks seeing something like that. I agree with CD Bear. You need to give yourself time, the anger is going to keep coming back, but you have to give yourself time to focus on it and work through it. You may be surprised to learn that this kind of closure was what you both needed.
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
You may be surprised to learn that this kind of closure was what you both needed.
She lied to herself and me...she needs to fix her issues, not have closure. Oh well, not my problem anymore.
Just so ironic that 2-3 hours after she lied straight faced and then said "stop looking at me like I'm lieing to you" that the truth came out and she was busted. I mean how could it be timed any better?
Anyone want to take a stab at how she might be feeling right now from her WAW script pov? Any ideas on what her next move will be? I know mine, but I'm curious as to seeing around corner...
Anyone want to take a stab at how she might be feeling right now from her WAW script pov? Any ideas on what her next move will be? I know mine, but I'm curious as to seeing around corner...
Like...is she feeling guilty? Maybe, doesn't give a damn? pretending it didn't happen? Thinking of a way around it?
Please don't tell me not worry about, because I'm not worried...just curious.
Also, should I bust the situation out to her parents and family out of state? Idk I'm just thinking and typing so I don't do anything stupid
I know someone out there has seen both ends of this type of situation and I really want to know/think/contemplate/prepare.
Oh, I did tell our mutual friend and she was pissed off because she lied to her too.
She's been out of the house since June. Your divorce has been filed, and almost finished. She's moved on.
Yes it's unfortunate that she wasn't honest with you, but you know the cheater's mantra...
I'm sorry for you man. Don't let your anger change you. Think of the flirty girls! Think of all the good things you've done in the last couple of months. You're strong enough to pull through this. We all are.
I know how hard it would hurt me to know my wife was seeing other people, but yours has been out of the house for a couple of months. I'm not surprised at all. I wouldn't even consider it an affair, so much as getting a head start on the divorce. Now if she'd been seeing this guy before she moved out, then it might hurt more. But don't hold onto the hurt and anger.
I'm sorry you had to go through that Faith...especially after tentatively putting out there your friendship and offer to run the dogs with her.
I'm trying to rehearse the proper 'letting go' speech that my head is telling me for when my H comes home. My gut is yelling a whole different speech because I'm pretty sure he's moved on to other women. My heart is creeping in with a please let me fix it speech. If only we could all just do what our heads and the heads here tell us is best for us it would be so much easier, because it's all about keeping our dignity and focusing on ourselves.
I'm sorry you got punched in the gut and the heart. Listen to the head/s. They are trying to keep you safe and strong.
M 45 H 44 no kids-one great dog M 15 yr in Oct T 18 yr Bomb 6/10 "I can't be your husband any more"
