I just realized that although I say I'm doing the things I want I'm still basing my actions on his 'approval.
*I won't post/surf this site when he's around. I even shut it down when he comes in.
*I have bought a book "How to deal with screwed-up people". But I won't read it when he's around and I actually have it hidden from him. I don't want him to think I bought it with him in mind...although it was him & my mom that I was thinking about.
*I've been looking up the other books that have been suggested but everything is done without his knowledge.
This is the fear I talk of. I don't want to start arguments, especially about something that to me is only going to help us, so I hide it. I'm so tired for all the fighting I hide everything there is about me.
I just want to keep the peace until I have better communication/coping skills. But right now it seems to be at the expense of my sanity.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
