Did you ever leave your home during your MLC? If you didn't, did the thought ever cross your mind?
Oh yes! I wanted to get away from it all. I did contemplate renting an apartment. The confusion and stress really made me nuts. I saw XW as a source of my irritation. This is crazymaking.
During replay did you ever have any fond thoughts of your W or M?
Acts of affection toward XW were few and far between during MLC. There were times when I just hugged her. It was oddly comforting for me because I saw her as a beacon that I could look to for security. It was as if checking to see if she was still "there." As for M, not so much. I was deep into fog.
One occasion, we all went on a family vacation on Martha's Vineyard. At one point, the sea became rough and the waves were becoming bigger. I was minding the kids on the beach while XW went out in the water with her sister. When she returned to the beach, she related this to me: "Wonka, I was scared! The waves were big and I was fighting against them. I am glad that I made my way through it. Do you realize I almost drowned?"
My response? I was numb and said "Oh, this is good." No empathy or even a show of concern. This is MLC. Disengaged from all around you. This is one of the few memories from my MLC. I am sure I cannot recall every crazymaking thing I did or did not do.
During moments of clarity did you question what you were doing and wonder if there was something wrong with you?
Not really. Although deep inside there was a glimmer of "what's wrong with me?" MLCers are not capable of introspection. Generally, I was in a fog and very confused. Clarity is not a typical hallmark of MCers. We are generally not given into introspection. We are too busy trying to escape whatever is bugging us. Most of these actions are external: OW/OM, moving out, doing some crazymaking stuff, etc. I did not engage with family members or friends. I was busy with OW.
Catching up on your thread. Looks like you're stirring the pot a bit. I'll be watching to see what happens...........and I'll be watching to see Wonka's response to your questions.
Hi GAG, My intention wasn't to stir the pot. My H is no where near ready for that as he is still in the running stages.
It was a boundary I set for me. The insensitivity of H offering the ow's old dresser to me really hit a nerve. I needed to let him know that I didn't appreciate that kind of gesture and won't in the future either.
Something rather surprising happened a couple days after I sent H the email telling him not to offer anything like that again.
I'll go back a couple weeks and set it up.
About 3 weeks ago D17 started college. It's close enough that she can live at home. Anyway, we've always taken the kid's pics the first day of school. I took a pic of her at the door and sent it to H with the caption, "Our little girl's first day of school. lol". I received no response from H at all. He didn't even acknowledge that he'd gotten the pic.
About 2 days after I sent the email about the dresser it was D12's first day going to the HS. I took her pic and since I was dark with H I wasn't going to send it to him. I thought about it some more and decided since it's not in my nature to be like that I sent it with a plain caption of "First day of school 2010."
Surprisingly H texted me back pretty quickly thanking me for the pic and joking about school starting before Labor Day.
I truly thought since I had sent him the dresser email that he would be angry at me for a while. Go figure...
SA, thanks for clarifying about the 'pot-stirring'. I find this staging stuff confusing, maybe because I don't know a lot about what's going on in XH's life.
Re: your H's response......there must be SOME receptivity there or he wouldn't have responded in a friendly, cordial manner.
Oh GAG, I've stopped wasting my time wondering why H does what he does. Found a lot more time for myself that way.
I just note what is interesting so I have a journal of it. I've come to the conclusion that putting stock in anything they do or say while in replay doesn't give you a very good return on the investment. That time is better spent on the kids and I.
Re: your H's response......there must be SOME receptivity there or he wouldn't have responded in a friendly, cordial manner.
I agree with GAG!
Sorry your weather hasn't been so great! Cool that your D did some tackles! Our boys haven't won a game yet and there have been so many injuries already! Hope your D stays well throughout the season!
Thankyou for asking those questions of Wonka! You are indeed "seeking answers"!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
