Sanderika, your experience has been very close to mine in many ways, with differences in detail. Our divorce has been bubbling away for nearly two years now, with my husband apparently pushing it forward, but actually dragging his feet at every stage [including two requests to me that we call it off, which I complied with]. Soon after his latest attempt to call it off my lawyer got a letter from his lawyers asking why we kept delaying the procedure. . . . . Since she is a very smart and compassionate woman she calmly put them right, but oddly it caused me to become very angry - I have largely kept my temper, in the face of considerable provocation, but I broke one of my rules and wrote directly to him, pointing out that every single delay had been caused by him, that I was tired of the way that he had been behaving, and that I could no longer have someone in life that caused me so much hurt and pain.
Yes divorce is just a piece of paper, but legally it changes so much, and for every action there are consequences. The children want me to go for every penny I can get, but that is foolish and pointless. He has spent so much and concealed so much that it would take a long time to even know what I am actually entitled to. And I have no interest in being vindictive.
He actually said at one point that the dvorce meant we could start again with a clean slate. But whether he 'really' believes that or is saying it to feel good about doing something he knows is self destructive, I have no way of knowing. We have very little contact, and I never initiate it. If he is pleasant so am I. If he is aggressive and rude then I end the conversation as best I can.
It seems he cannot be pleasant for more than a very short period of time. I think there is guilt, depression and anger still swirling around. I do not trust him at all, sad to say, although I still love the person he was.
I do not think there is anything I can do except to get on with my life - he even resents the fact that I do this. He seems to hit bottom occasionally but always bounces back, and is a little crazier each time . . . But this could go for ever, poor man. He isn't happy, and will not accept any help or any hand of friendship. I think we have to let them go completely, and wish them well.
