How should I proceed now? Is there hope?

[NotCrackingUp]

Well, he arrived for lunch with the kids and myself.I'd kept busy all morning and also tried to look as well as possible. He was not very cocky or happy with himself, a sick stomach and sore head. The kids were laughing and telling him about things they did at home and school during the week. They look so relieved and happy when he's here, I know they still hope he'll be back. He asked them questions and also questioned me about my new school. Seemed subdued. I thought he saw the family life he used to love - at least that's what he used to say - going on without him.

He actually washed up afterwards (!), a thing he rarely did before.He left just now - wants a sleep, he says. Looks tired and not very happy. Kissed me (French greeting even to lepers) on arrival and on leaving. He hasn't always done that recently. I managed to stay light and general, didn't follow him round the house while he was here, gave him space.When he'd left, the childen told me they thought he was having second thoughts. This came spontaneously. They're actually quite happy just with me: he was away for work (and other activities) so much the last year that they've got used to being with mum alone, but they'd so love to have him back.

This is so hard. I cried myself cross-eyed last night, missing him. Better this morning and now, but I still love him dearly.
He has done and said a rake of very rum things in the past 4 months, but I can easily separate that from the man I married, and with whom I had such a close relationship for years. When the kids were born, when they were small, how devoted and loving he was to them. We had a wonderful intimate life, even if it had its ups and downs due to work pressures in the last year or so.
at some point, he stopped seeing me as wife, became "available" in his head and was snapped up.The hardest part to accept, I've said it over and over but it's chewing me up, is the physical rejection of me. That he needs time alone, that he even needs to be with OW is hard, but I can take it. It's just that, if I go on what he's said and how he's been, he just suddenly couldn't be intimate with me anymore, feel loving towards me, no will even to try. So he ran.

I'm not a monster. Even when I was chubby, he used to say he loved my curves. Now I'm down to the weight I was before we married. My body's not the body of an athlete or a 20 year old, but it's ok. We used to know every inch of each other, why the sudden aversion? My sister says it could be he's steeling himself not to feel anything, so he won't go back on his decision. I feel it so cruelly, especially as our sex-life was very active ( on his initiation and on mine) right up to the night before the bomb was dropped.

Any similar experiences out there? Is it possible to be disgusted by someone overnight? Can it come back? We were good friends, I'd been more than understanding about the affair. I was a bit weepy, but never condemned him. I apologized for what had hurt him and accepted that we'd both functioned badly under stress. What could I have done other than that? What can I do now? I feel sure that a big part of what made him run was not wanting to deal with confused desires, not being able to forget the OW.I'd love to hear from others who might shed some light on this. Can I still hope? I'm trying to evacuate the negative feelings so we can get back to being friends. I'm in bits, but he seems even more fragile. I love and want to help him. But I also want him BACK.I feel like sending him an e-mail and telling him how much I want him and miss him. But I'll try to hold out.
Please help.
NotCrackingUp -yet