Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[john28]

Thanks Lotus - I agree that the tools aren't in place for us to communicate properly. Even though I've read through 20 books on communicating and I do have some tools in my toolbelt, she hasn't read a single one to improve our relationship or communication so it is very difficult. She falls into old habits and patterns and I'm sucked in to doing the same when I see that. Even though I know better ways to communicate, it takes two to do that.

She called me this morning saying the car was making a funny noise and she didn't know what was wrong with it. That she'd have to take it to a mechanic and didn't know how much it would cost. She knows I'm good with cars. I saw right through this. I asked her plainly, "Are you asking for my help?" She paused. Said, "No, if you're going to be like that then no I'm not asking." Passive-agressive BS. I responded, "I'm not putting you in that position. I just do not want to impose myself on you." She replied with, "Then yes, if you could I would really appreciate it. Yes, I am asking you for help."

She then seemed happy. I told her goodbye, and she, for the first time in a while, said ILY first. Not a simple, "Love you, bye". But a honest thought of saying, "I love you, John."

This is just a very daily way of her indirectly asking me for what she wants. I am starting to see right through it. So, I just go directly to the point - Do you want me to help you? That pisses her off because instead of me saying - Oh honey, that's terrible, why don't I take a look at it when I drop by today for you? I instead bypass her crap behavior and get down to the bottom line.

And the results are better.