Steady posted this inquiry in CD's thread over in the Jealousy forum:
Quote:
Wonks, I see you're MLC lasted 5 years. I imagine from the POV while in it you would resent someone for walking away. But let me ask you this, from your POV now do you resent anyone walking away from you while you were in the throws of it?
My sitch was complicated and convoluted to say the least. A brief background is necessary to give you an overall picture of what transpired throughout my MLC.
My beloved grandmother passed away in 1999...she was the family matriarch since my grandfather had passed away in 1987. She passed away at the ripe young age of 100! Needless to say, I did not attend her funeral as I was smack in the middle of a business trip that could not be rescheduled. I was very close to her growing up so her death hit me hard. It was the beginning of my MLC journey. The impact on me was enormous and I was lost for a long time.
I bought a house with XW in 2002 which triggered many fears inside of me. I thought that it was such an enormous responsibility and was concerned that I was not able to shoulder it. During my MLC, I suddenly became a LD person and XW confronted me about it. She even went to great lengths to save our M by buying Phil McGraw's book The Relationship Rescue. I had zero interest in the book and tuned out all of her entreaties to enter MC. This is a typical MLC response: we do not see ourselves has having a problem and I resented her "attempts" to control me by painting me as the "problem."
My MLC fog continued into 2003. As a very "sensitive" MLCer, I dropped the bomb on XW on her birthday in May! It is obvious that I did not get the best spouse award! It was during that time that I was involved in an EA with an OW. Did all the silly MLC stuff: sleeping on edge of bed, did not want to be touched by XW, hogged my pager/cell phone, going and coming without telling XW what I was up to...on and on.
My MLC continued until 2004. Looking back I began to come out of my MLC sometime in Spring of 2004. By that time XW was engaged in a full-blown A with an old college sweetheart who lived half way across the country. When I "woke up" from MLC...I saw clearly what was happening and I did everything the opposite of DBing (begging, pleading, etc).
Did I resent this? Ya, I was angry, hurt and devastated. Engaging in an A is simply flat-out wrong. However, when you see what XW went through, one can see how she would seek comfort elsewhere. It was a potent mix in the M: my MLC and XW's A. She simply gave up on me while the alien still had me in its talons.
