I gave up...filed for D

[pinhead]

Definitely testing you.

[Gardener]

luv,

..."the kids said you would never go with us or me for that matter" you must really project hate for me" I reply, I don't hate you mr. luv. He said he didn't like seeing their reaction when he suggested mom come with us.

Whatever his agenda, he's really giving you some guilt poison.
Don't accept it. Let him keep it. It's his.

Peace,

[LSG]

Luv,

I agree with PH that he is testing you.

I would not respond to e-mails like the last one and just keep it short and simple next time.

(((hugs)))

[Gardener]

luv,

Luv,...I would not respond to e-mails like the last one and just keep it short and simple next time.

I agree with LSG. As a matter of fact, a dismissive (sarcastic)
"Right."
Would've sufficed.
And would've bee great!

Peace,

[ImprovedRomeo]

Luv,

I'm sorry he's trying to engage you...I wouldn't put ANYTHING negative in writing.

Next time I would say 'lol I don't hate you Mr. Luv- have fun with the kids, I gotta run!'

Just to show him that you're fine, you have a life, you won't engage him, you won't take the bait and he doesn't deserve your time or to know your feelings.

Hang in there and do something nice for yourself tonight.

[alice444]

(((Luv)))

I have to update this guys - read and wonder...just like I did.

My stbxH picked up the kids to take them to lunch today. While gone he texts me (he just never texts me) and says, "would you like to go bowling with us?" huh? are you kidding me - is this a joke?

I responded thank you for the invite but I was working on something and he replies "the kids said you would never go with us or me for that matter" you must really project hate for me" I reply, I don't hate you mr. luv. He said he didn't like seeing their reaction when he suggested mom come with us.

WTF. He is playing with you or else his guilt is seeping in and he's trying to play the good divorced H for the sake of his guilt and the kids' opinion of him.

What the heck is this supposed to mean? Why should he even care if I hate him? I thought he was the one who hated me? I mean...he chose to break up our marriage and sleep with someone else - now that is what I consider hate.

I guess he is just testing me to see what I'd say. The kids all feel so hurt and have expressed so much pain in feeling abandoned by him. He obviously is happy in his new life away from the real people that love/loved him. He is breaking each one of us in this household - one at a time with his emotional abuse.

I don't know whether he's testing you but I get the same kinds of things from my H and wonder why do you care? You don't want me, so why do you care what I think, do, my opinion about you, etc? I don't have a good answer for it except that it's not as neat a separation as they thought to break things off- we're still often their primary confidante and the person they look to for input, etc. But it surprises me about your H, as he's not shown any real remorse or anything like that so far. Ignore and detach as much as you can. And take care of you. Keep posting--

[luvless]

Hi guys, I thought I'd update a little because the enemy seems to be acting a little weird lately. He's been nice so I am wondering why? I was waiting for a nasty email or text complaining about the latest legal declaration but it hasn't come.

He called the house (he has not called here since he left) then tried my cell afterwards. I did not answer. I heard my phone ringing in the other room but thought nothing of it - he never calls. He later explains in an email that he needed to talk to me about a check. I figured anything could be discussed through email no phone calls are needed for that.

He sent me an email the other night rambling (he sounded drunk) that he did care about helping me get the bank issues resolved. Then proceeded to tell me he is struggling too. Oh well I really don't care because this is what HE wanted. I didn't choose this lifestyle we are now living...struggling financially and going through an expensive divorce - and that's just the beginning.

It seems as though lately he has tried to contact me (coming to the door when getting kids, asking me to go bowling, writing more and being nice about it) well he must be starting to miss me or something. Maybe his attorney told him to start being nice - who knows? I don't trust him - he LIES.

I've had a rough week..been real sad about things. There's gotta be an end to this somewhere.

Luv

[LSG]

luv,

I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. Hang in there because I know you will be okay. It is the highs and lows that get to you.

You are right that you did not choose your current lifestyle, but you have chose to move forward.

Do not trust or anything he says. He has not earned your trust.

I know you are having a rought week, but next week is a new one, and it will be alot better.


(((hugs)))

[courts0818]

luv,
Oh my goodness, I just read through some of your posts. My heart breaks for you and your kids. I can totally relate to the emotions you've been feeling throughout this journey.

Besides having the same anniversary of August 18th, we seem to have some things in common. Like you, I can be having a good day and just a text, email or face-to-face meeting with H can bring me down.

Know that your feelings are valid - if you are sad, angry, stressed, fearful, etc. that it's all okay. What I'm finally learning is it's how we deal with it that matters.

For everything you are going through, you sound really strong. Keep hanging in there. We all know a D is not what you ever wanted. But I know there are sunny days ahead for you.

Your kids are older than mine, but a really good book that I found is called, Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way."

I work with teens and I know how things like this can make them shutdown. Just do your best to stay the strong, positive role model that you are. And try to engage your kids in conversations and things they enjoy - which might help them to open up and talk to you about what they are feeling. Maybe take DD shopping, for lunch, for a mani or pedi. For DS, maybe play a sport with him, video game, take him to dinner, etc. Encourage them to have friends over and such and to stay actively involved in school and activities.

Hang in there! Hugs to you. : )

[luvless]

courts - thanks so much for that..wow I can't believe you have the same anniv date so does KelRocked.

I have done many of things you are suggesting here. My kids are devastated by their dad's behavior. They have all expressed hate and anger towards him - even saying they want to change their name to mine. I just hate that I have to deal with their sadness on top of mine - just too much sometimes.

I try not to say negative things about their dad and I often apologize for him and tell them he loves them but he is being very selfish right now. It doesn't fly - they are too old for BS.

I tell the kids we are still a family - and pray everyday for Mr. Luv at the dinner table. When this all went down their main concerns were that we weren't a family anymore but it's gotten much better. We are peaceful and my former husband is not here to hurt anyone anymore.

hugs to you!

Luv