I did read it, maybe I need to read it again because I don't recall any advice in that matter.
I know that it's very much in my H's nature to steam over things instead of going and doing something about it. I really want to understand this approach because to me it's just pointless, but I know that it's just me being judgmental. Obviously it does work (better or worse) for him and he must have some reasons to do that.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
You could try to detach 'as if' you are moving on (without leaving your marraige), do the GAL stuff, and so on. You could work on you, and if you do it successfully, he might notice you are 'not there'?
I'll be very honest here. This seems to me like an undecided "I want to leave you, but I don't want to" mixed signal thing, I just don't think I'd be able to do that. Inevitably I'd either start looking back or leave.
Regarding just leaving, I know I've read people's stiches and thought it would be better for them to make a statement and leave, cause staying/pursuing clearly wasn't working out for them.
But of course the hardest thing to do is to listen to your own advice. I feel like I have so much to lose. Maybe I'm not critical enough about out R, but I think that staying is working out for us most of the time, just that there are times/issues where it goes wrong. If this went on unattended for another 10 years then I would feel it more justified to go with such and extreme route. But now it just feels too soon.
Please hit me with a 2x4 if needs be!
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
There are some books by Terrence Real that my IC recommended. One of them is called "How Can I Get Through To You".
Thanks pookie, I'll have a look into that book. Sounds like something helpful.
OMG pookie and ris, I have that in an audiobook, and I've listened to it probably 3 times now. It is EXCELLENT. Seriously. Life changing. Another good one of his is The New Rules of Marriage. Also have listened to that one as many times.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
My email must have stirred something because H got on IM. We chatted nicely for a long while about random things and we even briefly touched on the subject of managing money "when I move there". It was all good until he asked me if I figured out anything about getting a job there.
It's a fairly touchy subject because there would be very few opportunities for me to work over there. It might take a while for me to find a job. His job is very well paid and we wouldn't have a problem with making a living - the limitation would be that we wouldn't be able to afford to travel as much as we (he) would like to. I know people who are in the same situation as we would be, earning the same or less as him, with kids (we have none) and the wife staying at home and having no problems affording it. I am fully committed to doing whatever it takes to get a job, but the options are pretty limited.
So we talked and I mentioned a few leads I'm planning to use to try to find work. He said he's concerned about having to live on one income, which I understand, but I think he's exaggerating (I didn't say that though, I validated). I said again that I will do whatever I can to get a job cause I really want one.
And then he dropped another one of his great lines "Lord only knows what the hell you'll do when you don't have one". Passive aggressive much? I tried to gather my thoughts and he just said good night and logged off.
Since he's gone now, I can't engage him in further conversation, but I want to send him an email saying that it hurts me when he makes sarcastic comments like this. I know that it's a difficult subject and I appreciate that he talked to me about it but put downs like this are not welcome.
Thoughts?
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
If she does the work in it, she hopefully won't need to.