I agree with Lotus and Pookie. If I am reading your posts correctly it is inconsistent. Almost playing a bi polar LBS. Stick to one or the other, I am nice to my W when she is nice to me, if she is a b!tch or angry then I do not reward bad behavior. Not that I have been this way my whole journey but getting the hang of it. I mentioned a few of my posts back about her pulling your strings. Your comment about her asking if loving John or cold John would show up. You wanna know what picture came in my head? I girl talking to herself and asking which puppet she would pull from the toy box, loving john, puppet with a smile? or cold John, puppet with a mean look.
My point is she is still playing you to a point. You need to find a way to mold the 2 people your W says you are. What about a puppet who could be loving when its the right time to be and cold when its the right time to be, cut the strings and let yourself decide when you are loving or putting your foot down. It is not up to your W how you handle things, but it is not her choice, unless you let her dicate how you handle yourself.
You spend time with your family as John, just be you, new and improved you? or the version of you your W think will show up as she pulls certain strings, its up to you, not her.
