I agree with your thoughts, Steady! I guess it really doesn't matter why he does or doesn't do anything, it just matters if H sticks within the boundaries of being home. I try to make little moves/gestures to get him to "be happy" with me. Sometimes he participates, sometimes not. His choice if HE wants to be happy or not.
I will say that H is not want to get angry and lash out. He isolates and escapes, mostly...and that's not healthy either.
I like the rubber band analogy and the zen philosophy! Will keep that in mind.
So far, this weekend - with D being home from college it's been nice and we've had a lot of family time. Of course, H and I have not done anything with just the 2 of us since the marriage retreat weekend. I don't know how the M is supposed to improve if we don't do anything practically towards that. However, I am not initiating that. It will be up to H to do so at this point. I'm still in "matching" mode for the most part. I've done small things to initiate kindness, and they have been received well. However, I don't feel comfortable going for bigger ticket items with having no proof that he wants to up the ante.
