Played a decent round of golf today, was just good to get out there to get my mind off of things for a change. Although about 45 minutes before my round ended W sent a picture msg of s4 at a petting zoo. Broke my heart that I couldn't be there with him as a family. I really hate that this is happening, I accept it, but I hate it with a burning passion.
Tomorrow I have to go to a family BBQ where no one knows what's going on with us. It will be awkward to act "family", but we've agreed not to tell anyone but our closest friends.
Monday we have an all day event planned with W, S4, and myself for a day trip to the aquarium, so that should be fun. I'm going to try and remain upbeat for the day tomorrow and Monday.
My W tonight told me that she doesn't know "which John" she's going to get any given day. That I'm unpredictable and that's scary. She said just pick one, loving John or cold John, but stop being on this rollercoaster. This is probably attributed to the mediation meeting we had last week where I was stone cold, asked no questions, and only asked "How much is this going to cost?".
I knew this was going to be tough staying detached and still remain loving John before Retrouvialle. Otherwise I'd just go completely dark on her and that would be much easier. I keep telling myself - just 7 more days. Just keep it together for 7 more days.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Consistency, yes. I went dark for a few days, came back when she freaked out hysterically. Then had mediation and was stone cold, then back to loving John to keep the peace until Retrovialle.
I think her words were that since I was so unpredictable she didn't want to "get sucked back in" then hurt again. I can see that. I validated her.
At least she is getting sucked in, I guess that's OK.
Go go gadget succubus.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Consistency, yes. I went dark for a few days, came back when she freaked out hysterically. Then had mediation and was stone cold, then back to loving John to keep the peace until Retrovialle.
Consistency, yes. I went dark for a few days, came back when she freaked out hysterically. Then had mediation and was stone cold, then back to loving John to keep the peace until Retrovialle.
Consistency, no.
??? that's what I said. She desire consistency, yes.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
??? that's what I said. She desire consistency, yes.
The vets may have other opinions, but I personally don't think that purposely being inconsistent for the sake of playing with your W is attractive.
Wasn't on purpose at all. I went dark with the intention of going dark. She caved and went hysterical. I came back. Then we met with L's and I didn't want to be there, so I was cold and pissed off. Then I came back down to earth.
Wasn't on purpose, just emotions is all.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I think you need to show her a determined and consistent John.
I am not the one to tell you how to be, but either detach or continue to cling. Your W seems to be confused as well so the status quo is continuing as long as you keep swaying.
Excuse me? But isn't there more than one type of behavior for the wife? Doesn't it go from "F you! Get out of my life! You're an a$$!" to "Let's go play house and be a family?" to "Why don't you love me?" You are just reacting to her moods.
I agree with Lotus and Pookie. If I am reading your posts correctly it is inconsistent. Almost playing a bi polar LBS. Stick to one or the other, I am nice to my W when she is nice to me, if she is a b!tch or angry then I do not reward bad behavior. Not that I have been this way my whole journey but getting the hang of it. I mentioned a few of my posts back about her pulling your strings. Your comment about her asking if loving John or cold John would show up. You wanna know what picture came in my head? I girl talking to herself and asking which puppet she would pull from the toy box, loving john, puppet with a smile? or cold John, puppet with a mean look.
My point is she is still playing you to a point. You need to find a way to mold the 2 people your W says you are. What about a puppet who could be loving when its the right time to be and cold when its the right time to be, cut the strings and let yourself decide when you are loving or putting your foot down. It is not up to your W how you handle things, but it is not her choice, unless you let her dicate how you handle yourself.
You spend time with your family as John, just be you, new and improved you? or the version of you your W think will show up as she pulls certain strings, its up to you, not her.
