Still trying to find my way

[bluestar]

I'm glad you're enjoying your vacation. Just try to be present in the moment with your S. Try not to think about anything else except what your doing right now.

As far as filing, talk to your L when you get home. She can help with any legal advantage to your filing and under what terms. If you file, I don't see it as you caving to his demands. I see it as you taking your power back since you won't be doing it the way he wants you to. You might be able to get more favorable terms on your other agreements as well since he wants it so badly. By the way, check with your L about the money that he owes you that might give you some leverage too.

[Mystik]

Fait ~ Thanks for the reminder that it's not all about H. I forget that most times.

CW ~ Financially it won't matter who files. I just don't want to do it and then regret it the rest of my life.

Bluestar ~ I am trying my best to be in the present moment with DS. We had a great day today where I didn't think that much about H. I am not sure if it would be taking back the power or throwing more gas on the fire if I file under adultery as my grounds. Not sure my L can help with the money he owes me, that's more family court matters than divorce court because almost all of it pertains to DS.

[Mystik]

So, got a text from H this morning. Said "I'm really missing DS... Please try to have him call me tonight." I did, had DS call around dinnertime while I took my shower after our afternoon at the beach. No idea what they discussed, though I'm sure that DS told him about his new pet hermit crab. Later on in the evening, about three hours after DS called H sent me another text. Said "I can't believe how much I need to see him. I don't ever want to go this long without DS time again." It's been a total of four days. He saw DS Sunday afternoon, and will get him again tomorrow, Friday afternoon.

I didn't respond to either of his texts. I wanted to get snarky and tell him he had the chance to come with us but chose Whore instead, or something like Should have thought of that before [censored] your whore but I was good and didn't send any response.

[Dagny-2]

Don't they leave themselves open to such obvious comments that biting your tongue is so difficult! It sounds like you are doing great, the missing H has to be hard, but you are getting through this and having some fun. The 3 Ls I have seen all have said that there is no benefit to me filing vs. H, so until I firmly believe it is the right thing to do, I will hold off. I believe we will know when the time has arrived. I sure hope so.

[Mystik]

Dagny ~ Missing him is hard. Really missing him today, was clearing out some old VHS tapes and found one he had recorded of me one morning before we got married, was telling me he loved me and kept recording me because I was so beautiful. That got the memory floodgates to open up and now I'm drowing in melancholy.

[Mystik]

Just got home from picking up DS, however I am still kidless.

The exchange place is 20 minutes from where I live. 5 minutes before I reach the place I got a text message, so I just waited until I arrived to check it. It was H asking if he could keep DS until 4. I replied saying I had just reached the exchange place. After a few minutes with no response I texted again asking what was going on. H texted asking if 4 was ok. I replied "Whatever" and got another message from H that said what he would like was to have DS until 4, then another text quickly followed saying "Thank you". So now, after driving to the exchange place and home I get to repeat the experience in 4 hours. Oh so fun.

[courageous wife]

How frustrating Mystik!!!

[Mystik]

So H called, wanted me to call him. I called him back and we talked civily about DS for almost 15 minutes. The whole time I just wanted to cry and tell him that it's not supposed to be like this, that we shouldn't be discussing visitation schedules. He's supposed to be living with us and we're supposed to be a happy family.

H is keeping DS until tomorrow morning instead of taking him on Tuesday. He is also going to bring DS home to me instead of making me drive out to the exchange spot again. He suggested that when I do move at the end of the school year I look for a community out by his because "DS has friends here, and it's good for him. It would be good if you were in a place where there were other kids for him to play with outside, or for him to even be able to go outside. I know you'd never live in my community but there are other good ones like it here." Um, no. Right now I'm thinking about staying right where I am for another few years.

We also talked about the school schedule. He is keeping DS tomorrow instead of taking him Tuesday so DS doesn't get all wound up the night before school starts and have trouble sleeping. He is going to stop by after school on Wednesday and visit with DS for a bit to see how his first day of school was. H suggested he visit with DS at my place, I told him I wasn't too sure about that, I'll probably suggest he take DS to Burger King or something instead.

H reluctantly proposed a new visitation schedule for the school year, asked that I be flexible about allowing extra time because he can't stand to go for such a long time without seeing DS. I pointed out that I have been flexible all along, why would I stop it now? The new schedule is he takes DS every Wednesday for dinner, has him to me by 7:30 and we'll continue with him taking DS every other weekend Friday to Sunday, on my weekends to have DS he'll get DS from 10-2 on Saturday or Sunday.

[Mystik]

Feeling nervous about H dropping DS off at home today. He is never nice like this, so I'm fearing he has some ulterior motive. But I'll be civil, polite however he is not welcome upstairs in my apartmetn any more. The front door is as far as he can come.

[pinhead]

Be super cheerful and upbeat. It's sexy.