How is the dog? I'm working all weekend as well-hoping to keep my mind off H. One of the things that really upset me when he gave me the D papers to look at (he wants us to do our own uncontested D) is that he left the part about sharing custody of the pets blank. We have no children and he pushed about getting another dog after our previous one passed on. He said he knew I would take better care of the dog and it would hurt too much to see him once we were apart. That really broke my heart-how could he ditch his furkid?!?
Sorry you had to go through that. And cheers to you for seeing the good changes you've made!
M 45 H 44 no kids-one great dog M 15 yr in Oct T 18 yr Bomb 6/10 "I can't be your husband any more"
That really broke my heart-how could he ditch his furkid?!?
Sorry you had to go through that. And cheers to you for seeing the good changes you've made!
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Hello Oxy,
She's okay for now. She has bacteria and red blood cells in her urine, which is an indication of a bladder infection. So my poor old girl gets to take even more pills now. They are running tests/cultures to see if there is any other resistant bacteria that could be causing additional problems.
Also she's 12 years old and is going to require Senility meds to help with her coordination that gets really bad at night.
I struggle with my W leaving ALL responsibilities regarding my dogs and home as well. She comes over for one day a week as a token for herself. She's in pure selfish mode right now and there's not one thing I can do to stop it. I've debated whether to just put a stop to it all together.
I too get angry to the fact we are left with the responsibilities but it makes you stronger in the end. The W was at least offering her shoulder for me when I had to put my akita down earlier this week. The dogs have always been my dogs, she has not really been in to them as much as me. How many dogs do you have? im down to 2 one akita and one mastiff. Ya I am a big dog kinda guy....
As far as the selfish behavior, I am trying to listen a little more to the vets, and try and understand my W and what she is going through on her own.. I am making progress letting the anger subside a bit, I know you got angry about last night, but you have to stay strong.
W came over to see the dog today and hung out for a little while. We made small talk and to tell you the truth I felt we "enjoyed" each others company.All of a sudden she just gets up and has to leave.
Before she walked out I did a no-no, but I did it on purpose. Flame if you want to...
I asked her if she was doing ok and asked if she was still happy about us getting Divorced. She said Yes (Of course). I asked her if she felt if she was making the right choice and if she had thought about maybe doing something together sometime (Yes, I asked). All she said is "Why?". So I quoted to her what she said awhile back about "being tired of all the BS" and asked if she will ever be able to tell me what that was and if she's willing to work on opening up our communication lines to possibly forgive and forget.(I know a lot of it, but I've still yet to hear it from her). She said I don't know, we can run the dogs together sometime. Then she said "I'll try to put it into words one day". I told her I understand why you feel the way you do and just wanted to see where you stood. I didn't grovel, plead, beg, just checked the temperature.
Now here is how I feel. CD Bear truly made a good point in why would I want to do the same thing to her as she has done to me, in regards to running away or "Ejecting Her". The golden rule is "to do to others as you would want done to you" or some variation. Well, I do WANT my marriage to NOT END, but in light of HER words, it doesn't seem that she wants anything to do with me accept to be AVAILABLE when she wants to come around. Now I believe in the Squirrel analogy and I really love it, but then I ask myself..."Why, in the world am I sitting here in a park waiting for a Squirrel to come to me anyway?" there are way better things to go do than waste this amount of time and energy for such an unproductive task.
Maybe some insight from some of you please...Do I just break off ALL communication? When I say all...just delete her messages and ignore her? Why should I be here for her? I've owned my feelings and what I've done wrong; why should I even talk to her anymore. Is there any reason as to why I shouldn't just pretend my W has died and doesn't exist anymore?
I neglected her because of my stupidity and lack of maturity, but I can't exactly go back in time and undo the damage. Now, I can't spend quality time with her and rebuild a new neglect free relationship... So why am I doing any of this anymore? (Except the part about me, that is what is most important anyway)
How do you all view this?
I'm not interested in manipulating or playing some type of mind game with her. I truly just want to LET GO.
Typed this kind of fast so hopefully I make some sense
You know my advice runs counter to 98% of the advice on this board, so we can both expect others to disagree. But, I managed to save my marriage with my own advice, and I have the benefit of having learned from the Retrouvaille program, so I continue to hold my own here.
I am proud of the way you handled yourself with her. You stood tall and asked for what you wanted -- no crying, begging, manipulation, games etc. And you got as much of a response as she is ready to give.
First of all, she was not prepared for the question. She didn't have a well thought out answer at hand. Secondly, you are different than the way she remembers you. What you need is face time with her so she can see the new you. Running the dogs is exactly that -- time to just be the new you with her, no strings attached. So take it. But don't pursue her to get it. Be patient and keep the upright man disposition you used today whenever talking to her.
I too get angry to the fact we are left with the responsibilities but it makes you stronger in the end. The W was at least offering her shoulder for me when I had to put my akita down earlier this week. The dogs have always been my dogs, she has not really been in to them as much as me. How many dogs do you have? im down to 2 one akita and one mastiff. Ya I am a big dog kinda guy....
As far as the selfish behavior, I am trying to listen a little more to the vets, and try and understand my W and what she is going through on her own.. I am making progress letting the anger subside a bit, I know you got angry about last night, but you have to stay strong.
Hi DSH,
I have 2, Beagle(Old) and English Springer, the Beagle was hers before we married and the Springer was ours. She LOVES her dogs, but her SELF love is more important now.
I did stay strong DSH, I don't think anyone of us is not strong. Us humans are resilient. Even when I screw up now and then and show weakness, I have the strength to let it go. Thankfully.
I understand my W's feelings and why she felt the need to bail. At one point I was desperate to change her mind, now I'm not. Hopeful? Yes. Now, not so sure anymore. I Just can't wrap my head around trying to save this marriage anymore by being "dark" or waiting to see how I should contact her or when or if deciding even if it's necessary anymore. It's just starting to wear on me and it's getting old.
