W came over to see the dog today and hung out for a little while. We made small talk and to tell you the truth I felt we "enjoyed" each others company.All of a sudden she just gets up and has to leave.
Before she walked out I did a no-no, but I did it on purpose. Flame if you want to...
I asked her if she was doing ok and asked if she was still happy about us getting Divorced. She said Yes (Of course). I asked her if she felt if she was making the right choice and if she had thought about maybe doing something together sometime (Yes, I asked). All she said is "Why?". So I quoted to her what she said awhile back about "being tired of all the BS" and asked if she will ever be able to tell me what that was and if she's willing to work on opening up our communication lines to possibly forgive and forget.(I know a lot of it, but I've still yet to hear it from her). She said I don't know, we can run the dogs together sometime. Then she said "I'll try to put it into words one day". I told her I understand why you feel the way you do and just wanted to see where you stood. I didn't grovel, plead, beg, just checked the temperature.
Now here is how I feel. CD Bear truly made a good point in why would I want to do the same thing to her as she has done to me, in regards to running away or "Ejecting Her". The golden rule is "to do to others as you would want done to you" or some variation. Well, I do WANT my marriage to NOT END, but in light of HER words, it doesn't seem that she wants anything to do with me accept to be AVAILABLE when she wants to come around. Now I believe in the Squirrel analogy and I really love it, but then I ask myself..."Why, in the world am I sitting here in a park waiting for a Squirrel to come to me anyway?" there are way better things to go do than waste this amount of time and energy for such an unproductive task.
Maybe some insight from some of you please...Do I just break off ALL communication? When I say all...just delete her messages and ignore her? Why should I be here for her? I've owned my feelings and what I've done wrong; why should I even talk to her anymore. Is there any reason as to why I shouldn't just pretend my W has died and doesn't exist anymore?
I neglected her because of my stupidity and lack of maturity, but I can't exactly go back in time and undo the damage. Now, I can't spend quality time with her and rebuild a new neglect free relationship... So why am I doing any of this anymore? (Except the part about me, that is what is most important anyway)
How do you all view this?
I'm not interested in manipulating or playing some type of mind game with her. I truly just want to LET GO.
Typed this kind of fast so hopefully I make some sense
