No news today. I've been at a training the whole day and didn't have access to the computer... but once I got home it turned out that no one missed me :P
We missed you but had other pressing issues to discuss elsewhere.
But I wanted for the hostility to ease off before attempting that talk so that's why I didn't yet.
That's how he keeps you off balance. He uses the hostility to "feel" in control. He knows you won't call him out on CB when he's upset so he gets upset to control you. Make sense?
Next time deal with it on the spot.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
That's how he keeps you off balance. He uses the hostility to "feel" in control. He knows you won't call him out on CB when he's upset so he gets upset to control you. Make sense?
Next time deal with it on the spot.
I think you're right because it makes me feel like walking on eggshells. But how do I make sure that I say what I want to say and don't allow him to escalate the fight?
In theory I know what I want to do, but when it comes to it, I'm like a deer in headlights.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
I think you're right because it makes me feel like walking on eggshells.
Yep, he's right. The best time to deal with these things calmly and confidently is when they happen. Just tell him you don't appreciate that kind of behavior, and it's OK to say it makes you feel angry, hurt, whatever one-word feeling applies.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Practice what you will say and his responses back - it's a script.
Believe you are worth it.
Have faith it will work. (it will)
Don't have expectations, focus on the process. You won't do it perfectly.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Yep, he's right. The best time to deal with these things calmly and confidently is when they happen. Just tell him you don't appreciate that kind of behavior, and it's OK to say it makes you feel angry, hurt, whatever one-word feeling applies.
Originally Posted By: Coach
Practice what you will say and his responses back - it's a script.
Believe you are worth it.
Thank you both very much! I will practice it.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
I have to say that I always thought that it's better to wait until both sides calm down and then once the heat of the moment is gone discuss any problems. It just sort of made more sense that the sides will be more considerate then, you know? (I guess you don't need to ask how's that working for me)
Now that I think about it, it often (not always, but often) made me just forgo the talk - I openly admit to being an avoider. It was "Things are fine now so why make waves" kind of thinking. But if I did bring up the subject, we were usually able to talk it through with a positive effect.
ETA: I don't mean to disagree with you, just saying what it's been like so far. I'm definitely going to try address issues on the spot now.
Last edited by ris; 09/03/1008:15 PM. Reason: add
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
Nothing happened today either, haven't heard from him at all. Since the whole scuba thing, he wrote on my FB and I responded so we're not on a warpath now. I don't know, is he expecting me to reach out? Should I send him something funny or something like that? Or just do nothing?
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
Nothing happened today either, haven't heard from him at all. Since the whole scuba thing, he wrote on my FB and I responded so we're not on a warpath now. I don't know, is he expecting me to reach out? Should I send him something funny or something like that? Or just do nothing?
