Greetings DB Friends...I am Wonka and a former MCLer. Thought I'd drop by and offer some insights in the MCL process.
Puppy, I have enormous respect for you and your DBing suggestions elsewhere on this site. However, we part ways in terms of DBing when it comes to MCLers. Puppy, you are approaching this as a person who experienced a WAW who had straightforward A to deal with her issues. The tactics you propose here DO NOT work for MLCers.
Hopefully someone can pull up the MLC continuum written by the excellent HeartBlessings (if I got the screen name correct). HB wrote very concisely the stages that MLCer's to through. This is helpful to the LBSes who are presently dealing with the MCLer and detaching from the swirling drama.
Based on my own experience, I was grateful that XW was present in my life as a beacon. I have done all the crazy MCL stuff: sleeping on the edge of the bed, hogging my pager/cell phone, engaging in EA with OW (could have potentially become a PA), feeling strangely disengaged from people and situations around me, and experiencing a layer of depression. The trigger of my MLC was the death of my beloved grandmother. (MLC begins when there is a traumatic event in your life which ALMOST always brings up unresolved issues from whatever occurred in your life. For me...it was my parents divorce at the age of 11).
Confronting the MLCer about the OW/OM and/or trying to set boundary regarding OW/OM is not going to have the same effect it potentially would have on WASes with an A. Why? MCLers are in a deep fog that includes confusion and a fairly long stage of low-level depression.
My advice for LBSes with MCLers?
1) Detach 2) Unhook your wagon from the MCLer's actions/inactions 3) Be compassionate!! 4) Be the beacon for the confused MCLer who sees you as a bright lighthouse in a sea of darkness
I will avail myself to answer any questions and/or comments about MLC in general and offer some perspectives as a former MCLer.
You are the true workhorses of DBing and have my utmost respect for your stance.
