Blindsided, Just served with papers!

[TimeHeals]

I cannot, in the present situation make her feel special now.

Why not?

would be looked at as pursueing

I am not asking your to pursue her. If she wants a divorce, then I can't see why you would want to be married to somebody who wants to divorce you.

But if she does something nice or thoughtful, or if you see something good in her actions, why can't you tell her how "magical" that is? I see magical things in my STBXW sometimes, so .... ?

You don't have to argue with her decission to leave the M to be observant and mindful.

See if you can shift your focus a little more toward the present moment when you are with her because I think you are a very pragmatic, forward-looking guy.