It's been my observation, however, that anytime someone's only been at it for a few months, and seems strong, well-adjusted, detached and otherwise emotionally healthy, and reports to the community that they're ready to file for D (or expose the affair, or lay out a real firm boundary or something), that they get hit with a barrage of "You haven't done the work yet."
i.o.w., "If it's only been a few months, you can't possibly have done the work." It borders on self-flagellation sometimes, IMHO.
Geez Pup, where'd you ever get that idea? To be fair, there are some very experienced folks over there who've seen the likes of me come and go more times than they can count, and more often than not they have been proven right in terms of a timeline. I do agree however, as anyone who's following my sitch can see, that everyone has their own timeline, and what takes years for some might not for others. I do think that the self work does take a long time, and a few months won't cut it for most. Keep in mind that I had already been in IC and was dealing with some of my issues pre-bomb.
IMO and based on what Bear himself wrote, I don't think he's where he wants to be when he makes these decisions. In fact, based on his reaction to his reaction yesterday he knows he's still got work to do.
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
