Believe me I hear what you are saying. But part of me says that I have at least stopped/stalled the spiral downward and that I should not overlook an opening to reinforce positive thoughts. I do not have kids with her, don't know her new collegues at work, she moved to a different town and her close friend lives 120 miles away and I am sure she is reinforcing my W's WAW mentality. I would not call my W (I don't know her phone number or address) so it would be a plain card with only my signature sent to her work address.
I know in my professional life I have a lot more complex issues to deal with that I have no problem addressing and deciding on what to do. Here I am now worried about whether or not I should send a $2.00 b-day card to my W and what impact if any that would make.
I know that if I fully drop the rope then I am technically giving into my W's wishes of 100% NC and making it easier for her to D.
I am reading Coach's and Greek's reponses last night to a new poster and advising him not to move out of the bedroom because it only reinforces what the W wants. I am using that analogy here with whether or not I keep the line of communication open.
