I know my MLC friends will disagree -- strongly -- with me here, but I just don't see the valor in taking the one, two, even three years (or longer) stances.
And I am grateful that you acknowledge that Pup. I have great respect for you POV.
I also have a great respect for what Wonka has been saying here.
"Valor" depends on who is handing out the medals.
Which takes more courage? IMO this battle is often fought with the most destructive weapons at first.
Who can wield the biggest knife.
Divorce? The sharpest knife in the drawer. And she knows it's there. She knows it was a possibility when she started the A. I think she is aware that she risked that.
So what does it communicate apart from the obvious. What does it say about you and the man you aspire to be?
It is what most people choose if you look at the divorce rate.
My point is this is a process and any decision you make should be based on who you are. IMO you are just starting to explore that. And you still have anger from this tragedy.
What do you lose by taking time for yourself? You feel you are being taken advantage of?
I have said this before: the courage it takes to make the tougher decision is to endure what it takes to grow. It takes handling the pain. It takes understanding who you are and what you believe.
Doormat? Only if you believe yourself to be one. And you will until you understand who you are and base your decisions on that.
When you understand that you are not the sum of other people's opinions, judgements or actions.
Filing for D is a bell you cannot unring. Just make sure you know why you are tolling the bell.
My feeling is this on standing for your M and it based on my experience and my own values and beliefs.
And that is, the most important part is that you base your decision on your own sense of of integrity, honor and values.
When you have done the work. Then you can make that choice from a healthy place.
How long? Up to each person. Do some get stuck? Yes. Do some reconcile? Yes.
It is not about the outcome it is the journey IMO. And I didn't come to that understanding until I had been on this path for quite a while.
But that's just me.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
