our Mastiff who is a four year old female was thought to have fungal pnemonia, could be fatal, but the W cried and laid with her on the floor back then.
She loves this dog. Don't fool yourself. Your wife is also in pain emotionally.
I hear what you are saying. It's natural to ask yourself these questions too. Can she be a good wife and mother? Is she just immature (some people take immaturity to the grave), or is she just very focused on the present (where she feels no joy) and the past (where there is anger, sadness and regret)?
You say you put your kids/dogs needs before your own. You have to take care of your neeeds to be able to take care of their needs (like that oxygen mask coming down in an emergency on an aircraft--you put yours on first, and then help those around you, or you will be no help to anybody).
I think you are just thinking ahead, planning for things that may happen, trying to anticipate things in the immediate future, and that's good, but if your wife is not doing that, then all talk about the consequences of divorce and so on is going to be wasted breath.
I think you are begining to detach, DSH. The next step will take you beyond judgement to empathy when you are ready.
Your wife may not be making realistic future-looking plans (and I don't know if she ever did), and if that's the case..., then her focus must be on the present, the past or both.
It doesn't mean she can't love, and that she doesn't want to be loved. If her focus is not primarily future-oriented, then it is that she didn't feel loved
