What am I supposed to do???

[Tay Tay]

Puppy Dog Tails-Yes I am a mamabear.

My 6 year old daughter was in her bedroom and I heard her moving around. I asked her what was she doing. She brought a picture in to me and said that the picture was her and her dad holding hands and walking in the grass. She said "Mommy I feel like it is my fault that daddy is not home because I am always bad". She said "I feel like daddy is never coming home". She said "I pray and pray and I am being patient but God is not bringing him home". She said" Daddy is hanging out with his friends and he doesn't miss us". She went on to say "I have been having bad dreams ever since daddy left and if he comes back the dreams will stop". She said "I don't think we can make it without daddy". I held my baby in my arms and told her that we are and can make it without her daddy. I told her that it is not her fault that her dad left. I told her to never feel like that. I told her that I don't know if he will come home but we are still a family and she always has me. It is so funny because she said "when it is daddy's birthday I will let him have fun with his friends". Today is my husband birthday September 4th. I said "Today is daddy's birthday". She looked at me and said "for real". I told her yes and she got a big smile on her face and said that she is going to make him a gift. I told her to wait until she wakes up in the morning since it is 1:58AM The sad thing is I don't know when she is going to see her dad to give it to him.

First it was my 7 year old son missing his dad alot. Now my 6 year old daughter is really feeling it. I have been strong in front of them though. I have not cried or been sad. I have to be honest I am starting to really hate my husband. How can he do this to his 4 kids? It would be different if he even called but he does not do that. I want to protect my kids from him and I am feeling at the moment like I don't care if he comes back around. I don't want him to come and see the kids then don't come or call again for a month. I feel like okay you don't want to be around us then F*** off and leave us alone forever. Those are my babies that I carried in my womb for 9 months. I had C-sections with all of them and with my last baby I almost died. I have to protect them from the foolishness and that is what there dad is right now. He left me and not my babies. I told him that I would leave when he comes over so he can't use that "I don't want to be around you excuse". My 4 babies are the best thing that ever happened to me...my babies not my husband so I have to look out for them. I am at the point where I don't care if he is in there life or not. But how am I supposed to teach my son how to be a man. I know I can do it though because his father is not an good example of one. Thank you guys for listening I really don't have anyone else to talk to about it.