She is not GIVING you anything. You rightfully have your kids tonight and will take them to school in the AM. Work out a schedule where it is not her "GIVING" you the kids. You are saying I will have the kids on blank and blank and blank days (or you work it out together, but it is not her GIVING them to you like a little crumb on her whims).
Originally Posted By: didthehurt
At what point should i tell her that i'm not leaving? should i just do it over the phone. I feel that if i say this that its just gonna push her over the edge to go and file...
Your house. You stay. You have made it clear to her before that you are not leaving your house (right?). You have expressed your remorse to her about the affair and your willingness to work on the M (right?). No need to repeat any of that. Just live it. She can move out or file if she wishes. She is a free woman. Don't let yourself be controlled from fear of what action she will take. You deserve better in a R.
Originally Posted By: didthehurt
She said she wanted to seperate for a few months to see if she "missed" me not being here. But i see that as just starting the process.
She's free to move out if she wishes. It may very well start a process. One of reconciliation for the two of you or of a healthy new start as single for you. Either outcome is better than where you are now. Don't be afraid, DTH. I'm better than I was 3 months ago when I was going through the same fear you are going through. Don't know R outcome, but I am better.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
I would personally have a sit down with her and let her know in advance that you would like to schedule a more structured visitation with the children. I would create a couple of schedule scenerios that is beneficial for the both of you and negotiate during the meeting. Then I would cut off all communication with your W unless it is about the kids.
I wouldn't tell your w you are staying. Just stay in your home and sleep in your bed.
If she has a hissy, tough. You are home and wanting to be a good dad and your actions alone will speak volumes. Stop talking to her about what you are going to do. Just do it.
well the W came over last night and wanted to talk. Basically saying all the same things. Why i was still there, she had nothing more to give, she only came back 3yrs ago so that she would not have any regrets. i tried to stay silent and finally just broke!!i asked her if she had left her worries at the door when she came back, and she said yes. I said how since you keep saying everything everyday reminded you of what happened? why say one thing, but actually do something else? I wouldnt be so upset only that she kept all that hurt covered up and didnt let me know. she says she can never forgive what i had done... when she was trying to leave the boys where crying for her to stay...then she had the nerve to tell me that i better not file and say that she had abandoned us...as if i would ever do that!!! I told her it must be hard for her to feel that way, and i understood her hurt. That there was more able to do retrovialle, MC. I told her i could not make her go. The boys where so upset and cried for at least 1hr afterward until they fell asleep. i thought that when she came back 3yrs ago that it meant that there was recommitment to the marriage, she says there was NO recommitment.
Last edited by didthehurt; 08/31/1006:15 PM.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
W actually told me the god would not forgive me for what I did. She said I turned her into that. I was doing good until then. Then it was all why dont we do this....arguing about everything. Basically everything your not supposed to do. I left and went and stayed in a hotel. It was actually some of the best sleep I ever had once I fell asleep about 300am. We a bday party to go to this evening she went early dropped off some stuff for the boys and left without even seeing them.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Well the kicker was she said that if she had been the one that cheated that I would have killed her.... Sorry I'm being vauge I'm typing on the iPhone. She means that I turned her into the mean and hopeless person. I guess that means she turned me into the cheater.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Well I have been at the house the past week. Needless to say it's been very stressful. No communicaton between W and I. Mainly she is just grumpy and mean. Last night she took one of the boys to the "store" for over 3 hours came back showered went to bed. I messed up one evening and tried to talk but felt it turning into a look at all you haven't done to try and get past the hurt. Since then no R talk. Been reading a book " Stronger". She is basically bitter and angry and says she doesn't deserve it.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
So I'm here and my oldest comes home and asks if he can go bike riding. I say yes and txt W so she knows what we are doing. I ask when her and the youngest are gonna be home so I can take both to the park. To go ride she doesn't respond then finally she says she is coming home and is taking both kids with her to chickfila. I say why did you
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
