Does it ever bother you that your children don't think you should take him back. Ours don't, mine don't, hell even his don't think I should. I've had to explain to all of them that I love their Dad, and it's between us. Our M is not a democracy.
No plans for the long holiday, huh? Too bad you are not near. I have no plans. I could take you across the State Line to a real live Oklahoma Beer Joint and you could sit on a cut up log and have a cold one. Don't feel bad. I'll be sitting here drinking ginger ale and typing on the boards myself.
That this time of hurtful decisions on his part would never erase all the years of good decisions.
As hard as this process is and as much crap our spouse throw our way, this line stood out for me. Why?
You have been pretty hard on yourself lately IB. I suspect that you are questioning some of your choices that were made in the past. Don’t! The above quote IMO…shows your true heart and character. A heart that may hurt right now BUT can clearly can look past that hurt and still show love. Even…when you are not receiving the same back. This IB…is YOU.
You should be proud of yourself and I am glad to know you IB.
Now sit back honey…and really begin the healing…cry it out. I know your hurt. I also know that it will pass. Please keep digging into your issues. Keep searching and remember…life is short you are entitled to be happy and that happiness may be with your H. So never loose hope!
First though…your old M must die…you must grieve it and then prepare yourself for a new R…a new one…one that is stronger and better…one that very well be with your H. One where the new you, the stronger you, the you that has done the work can shine. The IB...that has that heart...has that love!
Sending (((Hugs))) and prayers
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, Thank you so much for your perspective. I am grieving and am mourning. I am sad. I am a bit lost. And I probably am trying to move too quickly through this. I have lost myself somewhere along the way. I hope I can find my heart again. IB
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Honestly IMO...you are at a crossroads...a breakthrough if you will...
Keep digging...bring out some of those past hurts and start to ask yourself why. Not for your H but for YOU.
IB - many will tell you how tough this is. Many will claim to do the work. IMO...many will stay angry, many will stay stuck. I believe that you will thrive and find a lot out about yourself if you really take this time to find it.
IB - you have mentioned being neglected as a child. How do you think that effected your M? How did it effect you? I can tell you how neglected effect me as a child (if you want to know go read my thread)....keep digging IB...
Have a great weekend.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Sweetie, your heart is right there. I hear it in your posts. You have a huge heart filled with compassion and love for your family.
Listen, dont try to force your way through this process because each and every step, even the ones that hurt and are so hard, each one is necessary. Each one brings you closer to peace. Each one helps you to become the person you want to be.
You are going to feel all kinds of things. And just when you thought you were finished with it, it comes back again. And that's ok.
Right now, as hard as it is, put your marriage in a box and store it safely away for now. Remember that you love your h enough to want to give him the freedom to walk his journey.
That doesnt mean you wont get angry, or sad or both. You will and you must. But each time, try to get back on your path.
For those of us who have gone through difficult childhoods, it is sometimes so hard to work through it all. But it is important because it has affected who we are as adults. Doesnt mean we can use it as a excuse, but it should be a jumping off point for you to begin to examine inside, come to terms with it and learn from it.
So, I know you are sad. And that's ok. This is a really big, hard thing that's happened. It's knocked the wind out of you. But I believe with all my heart that things happen for a reason. And you may not see it now, but I promise you, one day you will.
Just keep looking inside. Keep the focus on you and your children. But, dont forget to take care of IB. I know you want to be around when the kids drop by on the weekend, but try to take a walk, read a book, get a manicure. Do a little something just for you because you matter, you're important and you deserve it.
Friday night - home alone - but ok. My D and her boyfriend called me and asked if I wanted to come to dinner with them. Very nice - didn't feel like third wheel.
H texted me - said "oh by the way, I gave S $100 for sunday bb games" - WHAT???? Do I text him when I pay for groceries, S's gas, food, lunch money, date money, clothes, etc.? Umm NO! But rather than poke the tiger - I replied, "Yes he told me, thx"
My close friend who is my strongest support says - why don't you just finally go off on him? She thinks these are all games. I feel as if I don't really care if they are games or not - I am not an engager - nor am I a doormat. I just don't thrive in conflict and I typically am able to see people's meanness or anger/frustration as a reaction to their own pain. I can usually separate myself from that. I really am comfortable with this side of me. It's not that I don't get hurt - obviously I do - but I've never been the type who can lash out with my own pain and hurt someone else. When I made the phone call to the chat line and left H a sarcastic message - I was so disappointed in myself for letting myself become like that. I want to get through this situation proud of myself.
Hope all have a great weekend! If you are on this board then you DEFINITELY deserve it:)
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB, I am sure your closest friend has your best interests at heart. I do. She cares about you.
But, you need to do what you feel is best. Follow your heart and your head. I feel as you do regarding lashing out.
I always think before responding - what do I hope to accomplish with my response? Am I acting out of anger? What purpose would that serve? Usually, after thinking it through, I figure out what's best.
I think your response was fine. Or no response would have been, too.
Now, dont forget to do something for yourself this weekend, ya hear?
My lovely kids called late last night to check in on me. They also said that they had stopped by to see where their dad was staying (extended stay hotel). They said that it was around midnight or so and that "dad was alone." I think that they wanted this to make me feel better.
My question to my friends on board...this information almost made me feel worse. Being alone is now preferable to being with me or is this also typical with MLC. Most people on this board talk about the OW or OM. Are there MLCrs out there that just troll around and have no other significant relationships?
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
