I'm the only one posting on my thread, which means it'll get boring real quick. Butttttttttttttt... I've totally given up my paper journal since Mr. A found it and I need to get this stuff in type, so posting it shall be!
(But if anyone wants to write back, that would be AWESOME! )
DR Chapter 2 - Know What You Want
Excerpting:
Goal-Setting Rule #3 - Think Small "If you are having trouble with your [relationship], I know you're in a lot of pain... You can't fathom why your [person of interest] just doesn't get with the program and start loving you completely, immediately. Life, you tell yourself, would be so much easier if s/he did.
"It's completely understandable if you are thinking this way. However, this sort of impatience will work against you. For one thing, it will prevent you from recognizing the small signs of improvement along the way. Change in relationships is usually a gradual process... It's really important to identify these babv steps in advance of moving forward so you'll know if you're headed in the right direction."
This excerpt comes after the part where MDW reminds people that it's important to set concrete, actionable goals (rather than vague goals). Here are my vague goals, followed by my more concrete goals.
1) Mr. A will give me some reassurance that his intentions are honorable, i.e., that he hopes we can reconnect and start a new relationship together, wherever it may lead.
2) Mr. A will put some work into winning me over.
3) We together will start to face the issues that tore us down and begin to relate to each other in more effective ways.
4) The new standard of living I have come to enjoy since Mr. A left will not suddenly plummet.
1a) Mr. A will tell me when he plans next to contact me, and then he will follow through. Both of those, every time. 1b) I will contact Mr. A when I feel like it. He will answer. I will not abuse the privilege of calling/texting him by doing it many times a day and expecting him to respond. That will be enough for both of us.
**Note: For the past couple of weeks, we've been meeting these specific goals sporadically. I would like to meet them consistently. Example 1: I texted Mr. A last Friday night and he replied. Example 2: Mr. A said he would call me Wednesday and he did. FAILED example 1: I texted Mr. A last Saturday and he left me hanging until Monday night. FAILED example 2: Mr. A departed yesterday morning without tell me when I would hear from him next. THAT HAS BEEN BUGGING THE HELL OUT OF ME!!!!
Ok, time to post this and walk around. Pet the dogs. Etc.
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