cannot believe that it has been 2 months since my last post, though i troll the site regularly reading about the sitch's of others because it can be insightful. the W's bday was on july 4th and we had a nice family vacay, ML, seemed ok. but in the past several weeks she has grown emotionally distant again, no more ML (which we had actually been doing) bc "I do not want to do it for you anymore" as well as acting strangely @ times from disappearing from house for couple hours whilst kids r home to going on a bike ride just yesterday w/ one of her friends which i found out was not true. i called that friend and my wife when confronted said she had been to an attorney to "find out her rights."
do not know if i believe that. do divorce attorney's counsel clients w/ no money down? i KNOW she did not pay anything.
but the best part i leave for last... i finally installed a keystroke counter and was able to check her FB acct (she had locked me out months ago) and i discovered some devastating entries, i think they were from a chat w/ the worst: "you have me in every way."
obviously she is in the midst of @ least an EA if not PA. could be that character from last year w/ whom she had an EA/PA or maybe even someone new. cannot believe it!! this is a developing sitch bc i am just letting the software do its' thing.
i made the total boneheaded move yesterday tho when i confronted her about her "bike ride" to an attorney's office (supposedly). i told her that i suspected there was someone else (i had the keystrokes fresh from discovery yest in my mind). i did not let on how (thank God!!!!). she ABSOLUTELY denied it. got angry!! her reaction was strange. i have the proof that something IS going on. how can someone react in the opposite fashion and so very strongly? does that happen all the time?
i am SO confused and hurt and tired. i am so worried about our 5 (!!!) kids from 4 to 15 y/o. WTF are we going to do? how the F am I going to fix this sitch? at times i try to slow my thoughts down, i come to the forum hoping to pick up some words of wisdom from my fellow DB'ers.
i have always prided myself on my independence, but in the very moment i need someone (i do go to therapy and we have an "appt" tomorrow for MC which she says is for us to try to find common ground she we really need to D rather than "reconciling") i find i have no one. i feel so utterly alone. i want to open up to someone close, a friend but live in a relatively small town where most of her friends are mine too. i am afraid of letting out too much to someone we both know bc i am not sure how it will look, how she will appear to be... on the one hand i do not wish to embarass her with me getting some snickers bc i am sticking around for this treatment but on the other hand i want to shock her!!!! does she think this OM (who i suspect is married from some of her replies to him like "tired of keeping up the charade") is going to rescue her?
r they simply going to run off together into the sunset and live happily ever after? what about our 5 F-ing kids? the OM has kids (I presume for now). gosh. what a mind twister. ILYBNILWY blew me away. watching my marriage stagnate after that first EA/PA hit, despite trying the DB way (which at times i will confess to not following too regularly bc really hard to do as i know others will agree, so blame me?), now another EA if not PA? maybe same, maybe diff in the span of year to year and a half? unbelievable. how common is that?
i think allen a. said it best, i think she is trying to follow option A where you have the EA/PA and marriage both. i truly want B or C, all or nothing. go with OM or work on M. i do not have a problem confronting her but need more data. i do not have a name yet. i am not sure who the OM is. when i do i will out him to his W. his family. his job? no prob. the W has told me in the past when i relayed this to her that "it is vindictive and why ILYBNILWY."
where do i even start? i saw the diagram which was helpful, but i know allen and puppy have put out stuff in the past. there are of course diff approaches, the MWD way vs the tough love approach. picking it will be hard although i am suited to tough. but does that not push her away?
sorry about the long post. i have so many thoughts swimming in my head, the faces of my kids before my eyes, the smell of her hair, the memories of our past 15 y of marriage... poof... blowing away like on a breeze.
